If you haven’t seen the Weezer video for Pork and Beans yet, essentially, it just puts Weezer (and Rivers’ cool moustache) together with a bunch of YouTube celebs.

Everyone seems to like the new Weezer video. Especially internet people. Not me.

This song/video is exactly what’s wrong with Weezer. Instead of giving us earnest, poignant moments of raw emotion (Pinkerton) they give us this post-90’s meta crap. Look, if I want the internets, I’ll go on the internets. If I want music, I want real f*cking music. Not this over-ironic we’re too cool to give two sh*ts about anything.

I want my eyes to well up with tears, to feel the blood flowing from my wrists. (Too far? Sorry. Strike that from the record.) You know what I’m saying, though. I want the feeling I got when I first listened OK Computer all the way through on my super-sized $100 Discman. Or when I ran home from the store with In Utero and ripped the plastic off as fast as humanly possible (which is not that fast, apparently).

Granted, the video is well done, funny, and charming even. But this is so tired. Please! No more Chocolate Rain, no more Leave Britney Alone Guy, no more guys on treadmills. It’s funny. It is. But only for half-a-day and then we move on.

For example, I don’t talk to my friends about the first time I watched Chocolate Rain (or will about Pork and Beans). I don’t get really drunk and blow out the speakers to the video for OK Go. No, those special moments are reserved for real achievements. Leave the interwebs to us talentless oversharers.

And I don’t think, “Wow, I really want to be Chris Crocker someday” (though, some people might). I did, however, once want to be in Weezer — to BE Weezer, in fact — and imagined it several times. Once, Weezer was the soundtrack to countless daydreams. Now it’s just the soundtrack to stupid YouTube videos.

. . .

Okay, sorry, I think for a moment there I turned into Bob Lefsetz. I swear, I’m back now. And here is a meme that needs to happen — if nothing else, just so it can show up in the next Weezer video: