Inspired Bored by Entertainment Weekly’s list of the 25 Funniest People In America, I decided to put together a list of the 25 Least Funny Things in America (And Other Places). These are things so unfunny they make living people roll over in their graves (I have no idea what this means. I’m not a comedian, so I’ll stop trying now.) Anyway, here it is: The 25 Least Funny Things In America (And Other Places). Enjoy.

25. Screech from Saved by the Bell

24. Anyone from Seinfeld, not named Seinfeld or Larry David

And/or anyone still making Seinfeld references.

23. Web site “lists”

Lists are for remembering things, not wiping your ass, licking the paper (or screen), and smiling. </sh*tgrin>

22. Holocaust survivors

Don’t laugh people! Not funny!

21. Dave Chapelle quitting Comedy Central

I’m still making my way off the cliff.

20. The O.C.

Waterworks people. Waterworks!

19. Fat people

Fat people are not funny, just sad.

18. Hollywood movies

Blanket statement, I know. Sad thing is it’s 99% true.

17. Cockroaches

Cockroaches are never funny or cute, not even with Jerry O’Connell around. Hmmm… Maybe it’s the other–ah never mind. Rats, however, are funny and cute as long as they make delicious-looking, 3D food. (lifelike even!)

16. My credit card debt

15. A deference to dumb, racist motherf*ckers, from the South

14. America’s drug “policy”

13. Superstition

12. The morning news shows

These are either the WORST thing in the world and completely sadistic viewing experiences or completely hilarious excursions into the lives of dumb people. It usually depends on how drunk or stoned I am.

11. F*ck it. Let’s skip to the top 5

5. Dick Cheney

All pants, no party.

4. Condoleeza Rice

All pants, no party.

3. George Bush

It’s like the night at the “comedy” club that never ends. Seriously, just give him the record already and get him off the stage.

2. Your Momma

See! Not funny!

1. Dane Cook

[Making face and stupid animal noise here] Just trust me, THIS is funny.