The first single off Jessica Simpson’s forthcoming country album, “Come On Over,” has leaked to the internets. As you might expect, it sounds AMAZING. (And by amazing, I mean really generic and slightly less annoying than her previous work.) Shocking, I know. But here’s why it “works”:

Jessica Simpson has always been a country star posing as a pop star. She never had the pipes or big city swagger of Christina or the goofy girl next door kookiness (now craziness) of Britney. No, Simpson is the embodiment of the country music star model: Big boobs, Texas roots, low IQ — like Toby Keith, but with less chest hair.

So what does this have anything to do with saving the good ol’ US-of-A? Well if you look at the two super scientific charts below you’ll see that Jessica Simpson’s career arc is roughly equivalent to the free-falling reputation of the United States.

What this means, of course, is that if Jessica returns to relevance by going country (which, of course, she will), Barack Obama will be elected President and everyone will like the U.S. again. Simple. Of course if the album falls flat (again, unlikely), then McCain will win and we’ll have at least 4 more years of winter.