It looks like Scarlett Johansson got caught on video trying to “sing” some Tom Waits songs recently. Someone even recorded her doing it as prank and are putting it out as an album — a non-standard celebrity oops (a little refreshing, actually).

For the record, my money is on Zooey Deschanel as best starlet singer. She’s like a sweet little wet puppy with those big round eyes of hers — what is known as a PILF in some circles — and having M. Ward right there beside her makes for a formidable team.

Unfortunately for ScarJo, she reads a little flat when doing Tom Waits. It could be because she is flat, or it could be that Tom Waits and pretty don’t mix. Whatever it is, I don’t *get* it. But then again I don’t always get Tom Waits either, so in a weird way maybe it does work.

Nonetheless — wait for it — I could watch Scarlett sing the phonebook and find it completely captivating. She could even sing the worst thing the world to EVER have to read, YouTube comments (MUCH, MUCH worse than the phonebook, and plus, does anyone actually read the phonebook anymore?) and still be sexy. There, I said it.

Anyway, here’s some of the captured video…

(via Stereogum)

This just in: More evidence that America is the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. Where else would these remarkably dumb hillbillies (this is actually what they call themselves) get to live in freedom and say ignorant sh*t like this?

Money quotes:

“I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF HUSSEIN”
“She actually fears Obama because he is black”

Question: Has there ever been a time when Rihanna wasn’t amazingly hot? Okay, I see you shaking your head. And I agree. Even in this video where Maroon 5’s Adam Levine mercilessly tries to wrestle the sexiness away from Rihanna (have you no decency sir?!), she somehow manages to pull it off. Especially great is at the 2:55 mark when she glides her hand over the neck of (remember to breathe, breathe) of his guita-ahh! I can’t take it anymore! Adam Levine you’re killing me dude! Must. Not. Watch. Okay, just one more time.

(via Idolator)

First off, let me just say that I am a huge Idol fan. I’ve watched since Season 1. I’ve even made friendly wagers on the success and failure of certain contestants. But, alas, my friends, Idol is dead. Idol is dead because:

5) It Is Meaningless Who Wins

Sure Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood are past winners, but so are Taylor Hicks and Jordin Sparks. It makes no difference whether you finish 6th or 1st to determine future album sales. The only reason people at the top tend to do better is because they tend to be better. But once you get to the top 6, even 10, they will have all had plenty of exposure to “make it.” Knowing this as an audience makes the final 6 weeks or so irrelevant (Unless you really want to see your favorite contestant sing an inevitably crappy song at the very end of the show.)

4) Bad Mentors

Neil Diamond. FAIL. Dolly Parton. FAIL. Nobody under 50 knows or cares who these people are, much less the teens and twentysomething contestants. And, by the way, singing show tunes is never a good idea UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.

3) No Guest Judges

What happened to the guest judges like Jewel and Quentin Tarantino? I don’t really care what they think either, but at least they made things interesting by crowding out face time for Paula and Randy. And Tarantino was brutally honest, awkwardly so at times. This is good television.

2) Bad Contestants

It’s not that the contestants are any worse now than previous years, because if you go back and watch the early years, on the whole they are MUCH better now; It’s that they are too good. They’re professionals. And so now when they sing well (as they know they can) they have to act like amateurs and fake their surprise at audience applause and effusive praise from the judges. (I’m looking at you Brooke White, Melinda Doolitle, and David Archuleta.)

1) Paula

Paula used to be kind of cute in a puppy-with-a-cone-around-its-head sort of way and her sparring with Simon had an odd sexual tension to it (emphasis on the word ‘odd’), but now it’s just tired. The dolphin-like clapping, the mangled speech, the endless ‘I’m so proud of you,’ ‘you’re already a star’ comments, we’ve heard it. If every contestant is already a star, then why the f*ck are we doing this?

Wait. Why are we doing this?

Oh, and by the way, as a diehard Vikings fan, I agree.