After 22 episodes and one brief Ultron intermission, Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. came to a handy close with tonight’s two-hour season finale “S.O.S.” We break down all the major Inhuman twists and turns, including who paid the ultimate price, who only lost a limb, and who may yet have powers of their own in our full review!

You’re warned of all the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. finale spoilers you can handle from here on out, and because two full hours of “S.O.S.” yielded so many, we’re just going to blurt it out. Coulson lost a hand! Simmons got sucked up by that crazy Kree stone! After accepting a date with Fitz! Cal finally hulked out into his “Mr. Hyde“ persona, but joined the good guys to save Skye! Raina goes down! Jiayang goes down! Agent 33 goes down! Terrigen in the water, and Ward starting his own branch of Hydra! Maybe.

Okay, we’ll back up.

Coulson’s Hands-Off Approach

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It was a tense pair of hours for Coulson, first watching powerlessly as the meeting with Jiayang’s people went horribly askew, then facing down Cal’s monstrous (ish) beast mode as Skye’s father tore through the S.H.I.E.L.D. base hopped up on his personal cocktail of gorilla testosterone, peppermint and adrenaline. Coulson tried desperately to convince the raging scientist that Jiayang had manipulated them both to get control of Skye and lead the Inhumans to war, even pinning him behind a car to instill some reason.

Cal finally mustered the good left in him to join Coulson’s mission against Jiayang’s conquered S.H.I.E.L.D. carrier, leaving Coulson to aid Mack in a battle against the teleporting Gordon. Mack had been holding his own to guard a cache of Terrigen crystals Jiayang intended to use on all the surviving agents, but Fitz’s timely disabling of Gordon’s teleportation (with science, beyotch!) finally made for a fair fight.

Surprisingly, Fitz was the one to bring down Gordon, as the teleporter inadvertently BAMF-ed onto a pipe FItz had been holding for self-defense. Coulson even managed to stop Gordon’s Terrigen crystal from hitting the ground, but with its effects quickly spreading up Coulson’s arm, Mack took an axe to the problem.

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A nice little callback to Lucy Lawless’ demise in the premiere, and not one Coulson let slow him down for long. In the aftermath of the battle, Coulson noted that he’d been mulling his “options” for a replacement, but later noted to Skye that the injury was a reminder of the grave consequences of their mission. Looks like Director Coulson has his own metaphorical eye-patch, though we have a few replacement suggestions of our own.

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FitzSimmons Feels

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Poor Simmons didn’t have much to do throughout the finale but the stock science, analyzing Cal’s mysterious vials and patching up the wounded Bobbi, though the second hour saw Gemma finally attempting to talk to Fitz about his underwater confession last season, admitting there may more to discuss after all. Preparing for the mission at hand, Fitz coolly brushed her off, but after the hubbub returned to finally invite his lab partner to a formal dinner. Until…

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We didn’t learn much more about the mysterious Kree artifact that Gordon earlier warned could kill them all, but poor Simmons looks to get an up-close look in Season 3, despite Mack’s earlier warnings about getting too close. Then again, we’ve only seen the stone reacting in its liquid form to the presence of other Inhumans, so … hmm …

Are You Inhuman?

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Vin Diesel teases aside, Inhumans really will be everywhere by the time Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 3 picks up this fall, as another closing stinger saw the crate of Terrigen crystals on the ocean floor spreading mist into local fish, which then made it up the chain to retail fish oil vitamins. 10 bucks Stan Lee buys the first bottle.

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So where were Skye and her people in all this? Well, after the chaos of the first meeting (Gordon even borrowed a Quinjet and opened fire to cement Jiaying’s deception), Skye was forced to flee with her newly-adopted family, even facing off with surrogate mother May to do it. May got in the most licks, but you can imagine how that went once Skye started Quake-ing.

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Raina later attempted to warn Skye of her mother’s duplicity, but saw only one way to get through to her fellow transformed; meeting with Jiaying in the garden, Raina antagonized the Afterlife leader just long enough to earn a knife to the throat, clairvoyantly timed so that Skye would witness the deed. Naturally horrified, Skye realized her mother’s deliberate inciting of war with S.H.I.E.L.D., but wound up knocked out before she could flee.

Following Jiaying’s subsequent takeover of the S.H.I.E.L.D. carrier, Skye found herself locked up with quaking abilities hindered by gauntlets, until axe-wielding stowaway Mack intervened. Lest we forget, Skye had plenty of other skills to show off before her transformation, hacking into the network to alert Coulson to the trap Jiaying had set, and later taking on multiple copies of an Inhuman lady. It was no single-take sequence, but still pretty stylistic on its own, sans the use of Skye’s powers.

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With Mack, May and even Lincoln on her side, Skye finally managed to confront her mother in an attempt to flee the vessel with her Terrigen crystals, pleading with Jiayang to see beyond her hate for S.H.I.E.L.D. No dice unfortunately, as Skye learned firsthand how her mother really maintained her good looks: sucking the life-force straight out of others!

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Skye held on just long enough to quake the nearby Quinjet overboard, while Cal heavy-heartedly took care of his wife once and for all. Not sure how that works with an immortal healer, but okay!

In the aftermath, Cal and his Daisy said some tender goodbyes for the time being, as she’d next find her father opening up a veterinary practice in town, his memories wiped clean by the T.A.H.I.T.I. protocol. A sad ending for their budding father-daughter bond, but as Skye noted, Cal had plenty of love to offer the world, and she had a world of work ahead of her in building a super-powered team and keeping the Inhumans under wraps. And hey, she even got to drive Lola! Understandable, in Coulson’s condition.

What About Bobbi?

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Lest we forget, Ward and Agent 33 had last kidnapped our un-spun Mockingbird, this week subjecting her to brutal tortures to offer Kara “closure” against being handed over to Hydra. Despite a grisly apparatus digging into her fingernails as anesthetic wore off, Bobbi refused to apologize for her S.H.I.E.L.D. principles ending in Kara’s sacrifice, and nearly fought her way out of the trap in a moment of opportunity.

Secured once more, Bobbi sat in horror as Ward and Kara rigged a rifle to fire on anyone who might attempt rescuing her, like, say…Hunter? Perfect timing too, considering Bobbi’s ex and Ward’s own former lover May were in hot pursuit, May eager to finally put a bullet in her former teammate.

The rescue itself didn’t go so great, between Bobbi thrusting herself in the path of the bullet as Hunter attempted to open the door, having tracked Bobbi by cell phone signal. May missed her opportunity to take out Ward as well, though she did manage to trick Agent 33 into donning her visage once more, something Ward would regret as he pumped “May” full of bullets, horrified to realize he’d killed his partner in crime instead.

With Bobbi back at base and out of the woods (though considering quitting S.H.I.E.L.D. with Hunter), Ward attempted to drown his sorrows at the local watering hole. Some menacing Hydra thugs scoffed at his demand to track down the other leaders, what with The Avengers having decimated the organization, but as Ward put it, he’s done flying solo, and wants a team of his very own. Hail…Ward?!

Well, what now? Coulson and Skye have their mission to track down the other powered people for a new super-team, while May sunbathes on a second honeymoon with Andrew, and even Mack decided to keep with the team to oversee those wacky alien artifacts he’d grown so apprehensive of. No telling just what happened to Simmons, but might her anti-powers rhetoric come back to haunt her with abilities of her own? Have we at last witnessed the birth of the super-villainous “Jemmacide”?

Questions like these can’t wait until Season 3, guys!

AND ANOTHER THING…

  • Guys, Cal’s transformation was terrible. A thin layer of makeup, scenery-chewing, and tossed set dressing do not an imposing supervillain make. We understand CG was too expensive, but why not go full-on Lou Ferrigno with a stand-in?
  • Jury’s still out on whether Lincoln and Skye end up together, though the pair worked nicely to overcome their respective doubts about Jiaying, and fight off the other Inhumans.
  • “I can’t wait to get off this boat.”
  • With Raina theoretically dead and her make-up no longer weighing on the budget, hopefully we can see some more varied Inhumans than the chic Multiple Lady, and her equally generic compatriots.
  • So, what do we reckon the blueprints Coulson and Fitz worked up are for?
  • Did a double take at the credit “Loki as Thug #2.” Turns out he’s an actual guy!

Well, did “S.O.S.” bring an effective cap to the show’s most Marvel-ous season yet? Stay tuned for the latest from tonight’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. finale, spinoffs and more, and start cooking up your Inhuman theories for Season 3!

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