The first single off Jessica Simpson’s forthcoming country album, “Come On Over,” has leaked to the internets. As you might expect, it sounds AMAZING. (And by amazing, I mean really generic and slightly less annoying than her previous work.) Shocking, I know. But here’s why it “works”:

Jessica Simpson has always been a country star posing as a pop star. She never had the pipes or big city swagger of Christina or the goofy girl next door kookiness (now craziness) of Britney. No, Simpson is the embodiment of the country music star model: Big boobs, Texas roots, low IQ — like Toby Keith, but with less chest hair.

So what does this have anything to do with saving the good ol’ US-of-A?

Continue Reading: “Why Jessica Simpson’s Country Album Will Save America”

Inspired Bored by Entertainment Weekly’s list of the 25 Funniest People In America, I decided to put together a list of the 25 Least Funny Things in America (And Other Places). These are things so unfunny they make living people roll over in their graves (I have no idea what this means. I’m not a comedian, so I’ll stop trying now.) Anyway, here it is: The 25 Least Funny Things In America (And Other Places). Enjoy.

25. Screech from Saved by the Bell

24. Anyone from Seinfeld, not named Seinfeld or Larry David

And/or anyone still making Seinfeld references.

23. Web site “lists”

Lists are for remembering things, not wiping your ass, licking the paper (or screen), and smiling. </sh*tgrin>

Continue Reading: “25 Least Funny Things In America (And Other Places)”

As anyone who follows me on twitter knows, I have recently fallen madly in love with Billy Bragg. And one of my favorite songs is “Waiting for the Great Leap Forwards.” I found this video of Billy playing the song last year at SXSW via The Current, which is an awesome public radio station out of Minneapolis. (They have an excellent weekly podcast as well.) Mr. Bragg is always tweaking the lyrics to this classic. Here are some choice lyrics in this version:

“The Cold War now is over / But the stakes are getting higher / I’m frightened of collateral damage / And of friendly fire / And I don’t believe we can defeat no Axis of Evil by putting smart bombs in the hands of dumb people.”

Seriously good stuff people.

Check out the video of Billy playing live at SXSW after the Jump

This just in: More evidence that America is the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. Where else would these remarkably dumb hillbillies (this is actually what they call themselves) get to live in freedom and say ignorant sh*t like this?

Money quotes:

“I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF HUSSEIN”
“She actually fears Obama because he is black”