J.K. Rowling Announces Eighth Harry Potter Will Be a Stage Play

In the fantastical wizarding world of Harry Potter, those with adequate training can conjure ethereal defenders out of thin air, make objects zoom around in blithe defiance of gravity, and transform into animals (so long as they’ve got the proper license and registration). But novelist J.K. Rowling has the greatest magical power of all: alchemy, the ability to convert common matter into gold. Between seven best-selling novels, eight ludicrously lucrative feature films, and enough merchandising tie-ins to give George Lucas a thrombo, Rowling’s got more galleons (Harry Potter’s money) than Gringotts (Harry Potter’s bank).

Earlier today, Rowling confirmed via Twitter that she’d be returning to the Harry Potter Universe, or the HPU to those in the know, for yet another adventure. Rowling has called the newly announced Harry Potter and the Cursed Child the “eighth story in the series,” but his time, illiteracy rates won’t prevent anyone from returning to the magical getaway of Harry’s world.

Cursed Child will take the form of a stage play, to be performed in London’s historic West End next July, with preview performances kicking off on June 7, 2016. Though rumors previously swirled that the next installment of the ongoing Harry Potter saga would be a prequel, returning us to the days of Harry’s youth, Rowling set the record straight and announced that Cursed Child would instead pick up nineteen years after the conclusion of the final novel in the series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Via Entertainment Weekly, here’s an illuminating plot summary:

“It was always difficult being Harry Potter and it isn’t much easier now that he is an overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband and father of three school-age children.
While Harry grapples with a past that refuses to stay where it belongs, his youngest son Albus must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places.”

Those that flocked to the novels for its fanciful escapist qualities may be slightly let down that Harry’s greatest enemy now appears to be existential ennui, but it appears that his son will take up his mantle of flagrant rule-breaking in the name of heroism. The play, though marketed as “the eighth story,” will be split into two parts, because master alchemist Rowling learned a valuable lesson about profit optimization from her experiences with Harry Potter 7 and Harry Potter 7 2. If anyone’s got a time-turner to skip ahead to July, now would be a great time to pipe up.

[Ed. note: The author of this article is well aware that that’s not how time-turners work, but the button was right there, so what’re ya gonna do.]