‘Hell’s Kitchen’ Review: “17 Chefs Compete”

This week on 'Hell's Kitchen' it was much ado about scallops as no one could seem to cook these delicious sea boogers quite right. There was yelling. There was crying over mashed potatoes. And we know you considered making scallops for dinner because nothing else made sense.

It's a new day in 'Hell's Kitchen,' and Chef Ramsay sent some sort of beat-boxing rap group to wake everyone up bright and early to dig scallops out of giant piles of ice. You know, because in the real world of being a chef, you don't get scallops from the ocean -- you dig them out of the snow like some sort of ancient Neanderthal.

Ramsay tasked the chefs with shucking and preparing the scallops; the first team to put out six perfect plates of Hell's Kitchen's signature scallop dish would win. These cooks should've been able to produce such a basic dish, and yet in the time it took the women to put out five correct plates, the men only achieved one. Again, I say, these people were not chosen so much for their talents as they were for their personality types and the promise of drama and redundant stupidity.

The women took the win and a trip to the island of Catalina on Ramsay's yacht. As the losing team, the men had to clean the outside of the kitchen and do prep work. It always seemed more conducive to be on the losing team, stuck at the kitchen and forced to work, learning more about the dishes you'll need to prepare -- except for when Ramsay took the punishment too far, by making the men drink milkshake versions of the scallops they didn't cook properly.

The winning team spent the day with Ramsay, asking him questions and getting advice, but mostly slacking off, their brains inactive and in vacation mode.

We were proven right as the cooks prepared for dinner service and the women were already at each others' throats. Robyn was particularly antagonistic and was apparently from the Bronx all of a sudden as she got right up in Barbie's face. In the blue kitchen the men were stoked and feeling optimistic about working as a team.

In addition to the regular menu, Ramsay tasked Christina and Bryan with preparing a table-side  shrimp scampi appetizer. Also on the menu that night were mini pizzas, which gave the men some trouble, but Kimmie (from Nutbush, Tennessee, ya' heard) handled them like a pro. In the blue kitchen Guy put out perfect risotto, almost saving the men entirely until it was revealed that Bryan was horribly over- and under-cooking the scampi.

Barbie, who cooked scallops wonderfully in the challenge earlier in the day, started to fold under pressure and her output became horrible inconsistent. The men weren't having an easy time, either, as we once again reached the second hour of dinner service without a single entree leaving the kitchen and Royce was officially crying because he couldn't properly cook some mashed potatoes. This was pretty much par for the course this early in a season, though, as there were too many cooks in the kitchen -- there were too many inept, angry people, and that's a dangerous combo.

Roshni and Barbie were put up for elimination from the red kitchen, while the blue team picked Chris and Royce. Barbie admitted to making mistakes with the scallops, but thought Robyn and Kimmie should go because of their negative attitudes. She's kind of right. Kimmie and Robyn's extreme-negative-antagonistic approach to interacting with their peers was unacceptable. Chris and Royce also admitted to their mistakes and begged for the right to stay, but Chris was sent packing for his inability to cook scallops.

In that case, shouldn't you just send more than half of these people home? None of them can cook scallops during dinner service.

The women seemed concerned with Barbie sticking around after so many of them openly bashed her, but we're hoping she kicks some ass and shows them what's what next week.