Fergie visited The Today Show this morning in order to prove that sexiness begins before the kids go school. Mmm. Think of all the awkward silences around the breakfast table. (Ok, I realize no one actually sits around the table for breakfast anymore, but just bear with me for a minute.)

And then to see Fergie not only butcher Heart’s Barracuda, but writhe around making sex noises in front 10 year old boys dragged to the show by their mothers hoping to get a whiff of Meredith Viera’s perfume. Barra-cooties, anyone?

(via A Socialite’s Life)

Maybe Saturday Night Live should stick to doing ONLY parodies of The Office from now on because, seriously, the two Office parodies they’ve done recently, have been two of the best things they’ve done, since, I don’t know, when Will Ferrell left?

Both feature Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Wiig as Jim and Pam, respectively, who do a great job mugging for the cameras. And Kristen Wiig, who has become a star since Rainn Wilson’s SNL, does an amazing Japanese-Pam-laugh. Kenan Thompson does Stanley justice in both, and Bill Hader steps in for Rainn in the Japanese version. I think, though, that seeing Steve Carell say “That’s what she said” in Japanese (I’m pretty sure that’s what he says towards the beginning with Pam) puts “The Japanese Office” over the top — and having Ricky Gervais in support doesn’t hurt either. But either way, they’re both classic moments from SNL.

Rainn Wilson’s Opening Monologue

Steve Carell in “The Japanese Office”

Someone serialized the beginning of Indiana Jones and The Raiders of the Lost Ark. Very cool. Watch below:

(via Videogum)

As anyone who follows me on twitter knows, I have recently fallen madly in love with Billy Bragg.   And one of my favorite songs is “Waiting for the Great Leap Forwards.”  I found this video of Billy playing the song last year at SXSW via The Current, which is an awesome public radio station out of Minneapolis. (They have an excellent weekly podcast as well.)  Mr. Bragg is always tweaking the lyrics to this classic.  Here are some choice lyrics in this version:

“The Cold War now is over / But the stakes are getting higher / I’m frightened of collateral damage / And of friendly fire /  And I don’t believe we can defeat no Axis of Evil by putting smart bombs in the hands of dumb people.”

Seriously good stuff people. Check it out:

It looks like Scarlett Johansson got caught on video trying to “sing” some Tom Waits songs recently. Someone even recorded her doing it as prank and are putting it out as an album — a non-standard celebrity oops (a little refreshing, actually).

For the record, my money is on Zooey Deschanel as best starlet singer. She’s like a sweet little wet puppy with those big round eyes of hers — what is known as a PILF in some circles — and having M. Ward right there beside her makes for a formidable team.

Unfortunately for ScarJo, she reads a little flat when doing Tom Waits. It could be because she is flat, or it could be that Tom Waits and pretty don’t mix. Whatever it is, I don’t *get* it. But then again I don’t always get Tom Waits either, so in a weird way maybe it does work.

Nonetheless — wait for it — I could watch Scarlett sing the phonebook and find it completely captivating. She could even sing the worst thing the world to EVER have to read, YouTube comments (MUCH, MUCH worse than the phonebook, and plus, does anyone actually read the phonebook anymore?) and still be sexy. There, I said it.

Anyway, here’s some of the captured video…

(via Stereogum)

This just in: More evidence that America is the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. Where else would these remarkably dumb hillbillies (this is actually what they call themselves) get to live in freedom and say ignorant sh*t like this?

Money quotes:

“I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF HUSSEIN”
“She actually fears Obama because he is black”

Question: Has there ever been a time when Rihanna wasn’t amazingly hot? Okay, I see you shaking your head. And I agree. Even in this video where Maroon 5’s Adam Levine mercilessly tries to wrestle the sexiness away from Rihanna (have you no decency sir?!), she somehow manages to pull it off. Especially great is at the 2:55 mark when she glides her hand over the neck of (remember to breathe, breathe) of his guita-ahh! I can’t take it anymore! Adam Levine you’re killing me dude! Must. Not. Watch. Okay, just one more time.

(via Idolator)

First off, let me just say that I am a huge Idol fan. I’ve watched since Season 1. I’ve even made friendly wagers on the success and failure of certain contestants. But, alas, my friends, Idol is dead. Idol is dead because:

5) It Is Meaningless Who Wins

Sure Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood are past winners, but so are Taylor Hicks and Jordin Sparks. It makes no difference whether you finish 6th or 1st to determine future album sales. The only reason people at the top tend to do better is because they tend to be better. But once you get to the top 6, even 10, they will have all had plenty of exposure to “make it.” Knowing this as an audience makes the final 6 weeks or so irrelevant (Unless you really want to see your favorite contestant sing an inevitably crappy song at the very end of the show.)

4) Bad Mentors

Neil Diamond. FAIL. Dolly Parton. FAIL. Nobody under 50 knows or cares who these people are, much less the teens and twentysomething contestants. And, by the way, singing show tunes is never a good idea UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.

3) No Guest Judges

What happened to the guest judges like Jewel and Quentin Tarantino? I don’t really care what they think either, but at least they made things interesting by crowding out face time for Paula and Randy. And Tarantino was brutally honest, awkwardly so at times. This is good television.

2) Bad Contestants

It’s not that the contestants are any worse now than previous years, because if you go back and watch the early years, on the whole they are MUCH better now; It’s that they are too good. They’re professionals. And so now when they sing well (as they know they can) they have to act like amateurs and fake their surprise at audience applause and effusive praise from the judges. (I’m looking at you Brooke White, Melinda Doolitle, and David Archuleta.)

1) Paula

Paula used to be kind of cute in a puppy-with-a-cone-around-its-head sort of way and her sparring with Simon had an odd sexual tension to it (emphasis on the word ‘odd’), but now it’s just tired. The dolphin-like clapping, the mangled speech, the endless ‘I’m so proud of you,’ ‘you’re already a star’ comments, we’ve heard it. If every contestant is already a star, then why the f*ck are we doing this?

Wait. Why are we doing this?

Oh, and by the way, as a diehard Vikings fan, I agree.

In case you missed it, Man vs. Beast was a Fox TV show in 2003, that featured human competitors trying to beat various animals, or “beasts” as the show called them, in athletic activities. There were many uniquely funny and ridiculous moments on Man vs. Beast but none funnier than when a team of tracksuit wearing midgets raced a camel. Not only is this ridiculous purely for the setup. I mean, brilliant idea. But what makes the clip is the completely over the top announcing. I hope he got paid well for this, because that is not easy.

Really, I feel bad for everyone involved in this race. From the midgets who are obviously being exploited because they look funny running around the track, which they do, to the camel who thinks it’s running for its life, and for anyone, like me, who actually spent minutes (plural) watching this dreg. But in the end, Joe Gieb’s track team of midgets did pretty well. It’s unfortunate that “Mighty Mike Murga” had to slow them down.