Michael Shannon has a new movie coming out soon! No, I’m not talking about The Shape of Water or about The Current War (whenever that’s coming out). I’m talking about Pottersville.

What’s Pottersville about, you ask? According to the trailer, which, even though I have now watched it three times in a row, my brain still refuses to believe is real, it’s about a small town somewhere up north that is beset by a Sasquatch, whom the town believes to be Shannon’s drunk character. This movie’s cast includes: Ian McShane! Judy Greer! Ron Perlman! Christina flippin’ Hendricks! It’s opening in a week! For real, here’s the official synopsis:

The plot centers on Maynard (Shannon), a beloved local businessman who is mistaken for the legendary Bigfoot during an inebriated romp through town in a makeshift gorilla costume. The sightings set off an international Bigfoot media spectacle and a windfall of tourism dollars for a simple American town hit by hard times.

Principal photography for Pottersville ended all the way back in May 2016. This isn’t an effects-heavy movie, so the fact that it took so long from production to final cut should be your first red flag. Your second red flag ought to be… everything else about it. McShane, who has literally played a Norse god, has a line that sure sounds like, “Am I the only one here that does not want to hump Bigfoot?” Pottersville looks like it has been competently Photoshopped together using clips of all these actors’ other movies, with a layer of digital falling snow filtered over it.

Oh, and let’s not forget the poster:


I am at a complete loss for words.

One thing to note here is the tagline: “It’s a Magical Life.” It’s a bad tagline, yes, but it also throws a new, gigantic wrinkle into this whole mess: “Pottersville” is what George Bailey’s town is renamed in It’s a Wonderful Life after rival banker Henry F. Potter takes it over when George wishes he had never been born. Is this Pottersville an unofficial sequel to It’s a Wonderful Life?? Did It’s a Wonderful Life have a Sasquatch in it that I’ve just been missing all this time? WHY DOES THIS MOVIE EXIST?

Pottersville allegedly opens in theaters November 10, but what do movie release dates matter when reality has folded in upon itself?

Gallery – The Best Movie Taglines in Cinema History: