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Paging Dr. Evil: Science Finally Puts Laser Beams on Sharks

Laser Shark, Dr. Evil
What We Do, New Line

In ‘Austin Powers’ star Dr. Evil just wants something real simple: friggin’ sharks with friggin’ laser beams attached to their friggin’ heads. Well, Dr. Evil, your time has finally come. Science has decided sharks should have laser beams attached to their heads, after all.

Wired reports on one ridiculous Luke Tipple, marine biologist and “TV personality” (whatever that means) and his quest to make sharks even more deadly. Apparently, Tipple:

…attached a 50-milliwatt green laser to a lemon shark off the coast of the Bahamas in late April. The escapade was sponsored by Wicked Lasers, a consumer-focused laser manufacturer based in Hong Kong that produces some of the most brilliant — and potentially dangerous — handheld lasers in the world.

Hey, let’s attach “potentially dangerous” lasers to the fin of a cranky shark because nothing could possibly go wrong! Okay, nothing went wrong… this time. In all seriousness, Tipple was actually using the experiment to test out some clamping equipment, which could be useful in future endeavors where they attach things to shark’s fins, like guns or battle axes, or maybe something more positive, like care packages of Tylenol and fresh fruit to malnourished third world children.

But how did the shark feel about all of this? Tipple says, “The shark didn’t really like it when I initially deployed the clamp.” Clearly you should have stopped there. Nothing worse than an angry shark with a laser beam attached to its body.

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