"Stormtrooper Sam" Terrorizes Small Town With His Imperial AnticsJacob Hall |
Step one: spend way too much money on an authentic enough Stormtrooper costume.
Step two: set your goals high and venture out to become the next big thing on Vine and Twitter (because there is no greater honor).
Step three: Get the cops called on you.
This is the saga of one Christopher Burns, who goes by the name "Stormtrooper Sam" on Twitter and Vine. A Jimmy John's manager by day and a faceless soldier in a cruel, imperialistic empire by, uhhh, later in the day, Burns uses his costume to make tiny skits and pose for silly pictures, because these are the things that 'Star Wars' demands of us.
But, Burns forgot about one thing: Stormtroopers are intended to terrorize local populaces and put fear in the hearts of rebel scum. After deciding to go for a public stroll in his imposing armor, blaster rifle at the ready, a concerned citizen mistook his plastic weapon for an actual gun and called the police. Things were cleared up pretty quickly: Burns explained that he was, in fact, not a heavily armed member of a fictional military force from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away and the police "urged [him] to be responsible," which is Cop Code for "Please don't make us come out her for this again, we beg of you. Please. For real. We have so many real crimes to worry about and you nerds are killing us."
Burns himself was shocked (shocked!) that someone would call the cops at the sight of a masked man strolling down the street with a gun-shaped object. After all:
Star Wars is such an iconic image, I was a little bit surprised that someone would see a Stormtrooper and fear when you know it’s been around since the 70s.
You're not going to viciously put down any rebellions with that attitude, bud.
You can find the (mostly lame) comedy stylings of Stormtrooper Sam over on his Twitter feed.