In “honor” of a new fan theory about Jurassic World that’s currently making the rounds (see below), here are the most irritating fan theories that have ever emerged from the bowels of the internet ranked from dumb to dumbest.
Jurassic World - Page 3
The Lost World: Jurassic Park is not a good movie. It might be Steven Spielberg’s worst movie, depending on how you feel about 1941and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. It’s a pale imitation of its successor, with a dopey story, dopier characters (“Hey my shirt is drenched in infant T. Rex blood, and I know they can track scents incredibly well because I’m a brilliant paleontologist, but I’m just going to keep wearing it anyway!”), inferior special effects, none of the sense of wonder that made Jurassic Park a generational touchstone. It’s not even as good as Jurassic Park III (and Jurassic Park III ain’t exactly Jurassic Park 1 either).
When all you care about is money, bad things happen. That’s the message of Jurassic World, where greedy theme-park executives hoping to spike attendance engineer the “Indominus Rex,” a genetically-modified dinosaur that immediately turns on its creators and runs amok. Designed as a cautionary tale about the dangers of building a meaner, badder monster purely for the sake of profits, Jurassic World works equally well as a cautionary tale about doing the same thing in movies. All of the rationalizations provided by Jurassic World’s employees — “Consumers want them bigger, louder, more teeth.” “Somebody’s gotta make sure this company has a future!” — could have been taken directly out of the mouths of the studio executives who approved this gene splice of a reboot and a sequel. Their creation — the Indominus or the movie, there’s basically no difference — is as advertised; huge, mean, and visually striking. But this experiment is not without consequences.
Every movie fan has that moment that transforms them from a casual viewer into a full-blown fanatic. It’s the screening that resonates with them for the rest of their life, where you enter the theater and re-emerge a few hours later as a fundamentally different person. They will probably never reach that high again, but that’s okay. The moment was your moment. That screening was your screening. That movie was your movie. Your name may not be in the credits, but it belongs to you.
We spoke to ‘Jurassic World’ director Colin Trevorrow recently about working on the film, the three fundamental ideas Spielberg had for any new Jurassic Park sequel and how he almost directed a Star Wars movie.
Ant-Man is not the coolest kid at the party that is the summer movie season. In fact, no one knows what to make of him. Sure, he’s related to Avengers: Age of Ultron, but he looks awfully weird and he supposedly has this dark and troubled past. So Ant-Man has to work a little harder to get noticed. He has to be seen by as many people as possible. He has to befriend one of the most popular kids in the room ... and you don’t get much more popular than Jurassic World.
Empire Magazine has a new and extremely detailed oral history of Jurassic World. This movie’s not even out in theaters yet! Remember when oral histories were things that happened 10 or 20 years after a movie came out? Not anymore.
The final trailer for Jurassic World takes on a more insidious tone, from the jarring piano score to the shot of baby Indominus Rex hatching interspersed with shots of relentless dino-violence. This is a park built on bad ideas, and Indominus Rex is the worst idea of them all. Welcome to Jurassic World, I guess?
Mondo, those purveyors of the coolest geek art on the planet, are teaming up with Universal for a new gallery show that will celebrate all things Jurassic Park. Yes, the timing of this show, so close to the release of Jurassic World, isn’t an accident. And yes, you should be excited for what Mondo has been cooking up. When you’re done humming John Williams’ iconic theme music, prepare yourself for an exclusive look at two very cool pieces from the show, as well as an interview with Mondo’s CEO and creative director, Justin Ishmael.
If early tracking is accurate, Jurassic World is going to make all of the money in the world when it opens next week. So yeah, of course buzz about a potential sequel has already begun swirling. Do you think Universal is going to wait 14 years between entries in this lucrative franchise again? However, don’t expect director Colin Trevorrow to return as he has made it clear he’s stepping away from the series following this entry.