Sure, the world might come to an end in December, and we could very well find countless ways to annihilate one another between now and then, but we all know the true crisis humanity is facing down: the terrifying, and deadly worldwide shortage of bacon. A lack of grain will mean less food for pigs, thereby less delicious slabs of fatty meat to fry up golden brown, but you know who's not worried? 'Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson, of all people! How would you like to hear his secret tips?
Have you ever looked up on the glorious mane that is Ron Swanson's mustache on 'Parks and Recreation' and thought to yourself, "By golly, I'd really like to own that mustache and feed it only the finest tender vittles and sing it to sleep every night in its very own miniature Sleep Number bed?" Well, now you can.
(P.S.: Ron Swanson's mustache's sleep number is pork.)