Simon West is Remaking ‘The Blob’ With Lots and Lots of CGI

No one knows what fans of classic horror films did to anger the movie gods so much, but right now, they’re enduring trials and tests of will that feel like they’re out of the Book of Job. First, Universal decided to transform their monsters into superheroes, and now the guy who directed ‘The Expendables 2’ is remaking ‘The Blob.’ We know not why we suffer.

As you surely know, ‘The Blob’ began as a 1958 horror film starring a young Steve McQueen that told the story of a gelatinous alien lifeform that arrives on Earth and begins devouring the citizens of a small town, growing bigger with everything it consumes. Thanks to its delightful, straight-faced campiness and surprisingly well-executed title monster, the film still holds up today. The film was remade for a first time in 1988 by director Chuck Russell, who took the basic premise and took it into hard "R" territory, transforming ‘The Blob’ into an impressive and gnarly showcase for gooey special effects. In fact, both versions of ‘The Blob’ showcase an impressive monster that was created through inventive practical effects.

Which is why the new version (via Deadline) is going to be all about that CGI. Yep, according to director Simon West, his Blob will be made out of pixels and will allow him to “fully realize the potential of The Blob.” Blergh:

With modern CGI we can now fully realize the potential of The Blob. The world I create will be totally believable, immersive and emotionally satisfying. It’s a thrill to introduce an enduring icon to a wider audience and a whole new era of fans.

Look, we have nothing against West. We cannot hate the man who brought us the giddily trashy ‘Con Air,’ even if he’s spent the past few years making lazy nonsense. However, we have plenty against this statement, which makes it sound like this remake is already off on the wrong foot before a single frame has been shot. If you want to get horror fans on the side of your remake (and you know how horror fans feel about remakes), you probably shouldn’t brag about how you’re going to recreate one of the most famous practical monsters in cinema history with computers. And you probably shouldn’t imply that said computers will allow you to make a definitive version.

It also doesn’t help matters that West has made a horror remake before ... and that was the genuinely atrocious remake of ‘When a Stranger Calls.’

However, if West can summon the same madman who made Nicolas Cage fight a man to the death over a stuffed bunny on a prison plane, he could have a shot at capturing a quarter of the insanity that Russell brought to the ‘88 version (he doesn’t have the self awareness or sense of humor to capture the gleeful kitsch of the original). Then again, we’re talking about the guy who made ‘Stolen.’ So, don’t get your hopes up.