‘The Equalizer’ Review

'The Equalizer' is the definition of a crowd-pleaser. It's hard to imagine an audience paying for their ticket to see the latest Denzel Washington revenge-thriller and leaving disappointed. You want Denzel Washington kicking ass, we'll give you Denzel Washington kicking ass. But, that's like kids having ice cream for dinner. Sure, they'll enjoy it, but that doesn't mean it's any good for them.

The film is ostensibly based on the mid-80s CBS series starring Edward Woodward as former CIA agent Robert McCall. As Wikipedia notes, "McCall traverses the streets of New York City, visiting justice upon hoodlums, rapists, racists, murderers, kidnappers, drug dealers, and other 'truly deserving' people. The "truly deserving" people in Antoine Fuqua's remake are pretty much all of the above. Washington's version of McCall has retired from the government operative life following the death of his wife. He's now working at a Home Depot (except it's not a Home Depot, because Home Depot doesn't want to be featured in a movie where their products are used to kill people) and staying up late at the diner reading books.

There he befriends a hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold, just the first of many action movie cliches packed into this film. Later, when she's badly beaten by her boss for refusing a call, McCall takes matters into his own hands. And, in his own hands he's carrying a big sledgehammer.

Anyone who's ever watched a mob movie knows that you can just go around killing mobsters, even if they are low-level thugs. So, along comes Teddy (Martin Csokas), a cool customer assigned to stop McCall. You can guess where this is going.

There are some movies that are willfully stupid. They're stupid, but they let you know that they know that you know that they're stupid. 'The Equalizer' is half of one of those movies. But, as evidenced by its premiere at the Toronto Film Festival, it's also very much taking itself seriously. The film flip flops in tone from the absurd to the genuine. It's the kind of movie where the hero walks slowly away from a giant explosion without even a hint of irony.

The film survives, however, on the sheer will of both Washington and Csokas, who are both so good, we're humming along waiting to see these two forces come face-to-face (and when they do, it's not a disappointment). Washington's version of McCall is given some sort of OCD type behavior (at the diner, he neatly arranges the silverware he brings from home, and frequently keeps time on his digital watch), which is an interesting detail, but it's all but abandoned once the movie starts moving along. (Or, are we to believe that his OCD has developed as a result of him quitting the murder business cold turkey?)

And, here, is another one of the film's biggest problem. It takes far too long to get going. Yes, we know he lives alone. Yes, we know he works at Fake Home Depot. Yes, we know he's friendly to the hooker. And, to his co-workers. And yes, we know he lives alone. But, we came here to see some damn equalizing and, frankly, that's all this movie has to offer, and when that's all you have to offer, you better start offering it up quickly.

Fuqua would've been wise to either go full-tilt grindhouse revenge-ploitation, or have tried to make a more cerebral thriller. 'The Equalizer' is trying to be junk food that's good for you. It's OK to eat ice cream, just don't try to sneak the vegetables in there too.