‘True Blood’ – The Good, The Bad, and The Worst
This week’s episode of ‘True Blood‘ pulls back the curtain to give us a better look at that shadowy “Authority,” a glimpse into Pam’s past, and Christopher Meloni. Let’s break down the good, the bad, and the worst of this week’s episode.
We finally get better acquainted with the secretive “Authority,” and if there’s a super secret ninja association of shadowy figures dictating a society, sign me up. This place is like a top secret vampire White House with its own built-in prison, and the guards get adorable little berets. So militant!
Dale Dickey is an actress.
There’s a rad Pam flashback to her time in a brothel because you know she’s got that business acumen on lock.
I like this hick at the weapons store. He’s a man with ideas and conviction.
Steve Newlin as a God-loving vampire is so precious. More Cosby Sweaters for this man.
We can finally put to rest years of pop culture hypothesizing. God isn’t a DJ. He’s a vampire.
Christopher Meloni is a sexy vampire in a tailored suit with a smart mouth. Hush, let us say no more.
Who is this bonkers child vampire Authority member? I want Eric to carry him atop his tall shoulders as the child monster orders people to die. Wait, is this Pete Campbell’s origin story?
Russell Edgington is back, y’all.
Werewolves. Why are you guys so boring? You can turn into wolves and eat faces like you’re on bath salts, and yet every time you start growling at each other I feel compelled to take a nap.
Oh, there’s that dopey Sam Merlotte fellow. He’s a person… on this show. I wish he’d turn into a kitty cat and stay that way. He’d be so much more interesting playing with string and throwing up hairballs after large meals. And his girlfriend is insane. Maybe they’ll introduce a magical creature psychiatrist this season. I vote for a leprechaun, motivated at first by greed, but in his efforts to teach his patients, they end up teaching him about life and love.
You cannot convince me that Jason Stackhouse eats Doritos and Krispy Kreme. You cannot.
Jessica is tarnishing the legacy of Kid n’ Play with these lame house parties. She can lift a keg? Big deal. I once saw a guy tape cans of Four Loko to his hands and he still managed to pee in the toilet. Now that’s skill.
Chris Meloni hasn’t humped a fridge or a fondled a sweater, but we’ve still got ten episodes, so I’m not pushing the issue just yet.
Tara is a vampire now, which means Tara is still around and more annoying than ever. So basically she crouches down like she’s posing for a TLC album cover and then acts like a jerk because her friends saved her life.
Can we stop giving Andy a V addiction just so he has something to do? Surely he could be devising a plan to kill Tara. In fact, all characters with lame storylines are hereby assigned to kill Tara.
Sookie convinces Lafayette not to kill Tara. Do the people who write this show even care about our feelings? I mean, they never even call anymore and we used to have something special.
Hoyt: Put some sleeves on, son.