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‘True Blood’ Season Premiere Review: “Turn! Turn! Turn!”

True Blood Season 5 Turn Turn Turn
HBO

Welcome back, fang-bangers!  ‘True Blood’ Season 5 spurts out its first episode of the year, as Sookie and Lafayette deal with the aftermath of what happened to Tara, while Bill and Eric attempt to flee the Vampire Authority, and Sam finds himself a captive of the werewolves looking for Marcus Bozeman.

Last season’s ‘True Blood’ Finale “If I Should Die” left quite a few cliffhangers to be resolved, from Tara’s predicament to Russell Edgington breaking out of his concrete crypt, and the appearance of a newly-fangtastic Reverend Steve Newlin, so how does “Turn!  Turn! Turn!” get us started?  What will season 5 of ‘True Blood’ bring?

Read on for your in-depth recap of everything you need to know about ‘True Blood’ Season Premiere “Turn! Turn! Turn”

Getting back to exactly where we left off, Sookie arrives home late as Eric and Bill clean  up the goopy remains of Nan Flanagan from his mansion.  As they clean, they sense Sookie in danger (what with Debbie having just killed Tara and all), but choose to ignore her cries given that she just dumped both of them.  While the gunshots wake Lafayette, who finds Sookie cradling Tara’s body, the Vampire Authority arrives to ensnare Bill and Eric for their treachery!

Shortly thereafter, Pam arrives at Sookie’s looking for Eric, when Lafayette begs her to turn Tara!  Though initially taken aback by his request, Sookie pleads as well, and offers to fix the relationship between Pam and her maker.  Begrudgingly, Pam accepts and bleeds into the dead Tara’s mouth!

I wanna do bad things with you…

So many cliffhangers to resolve!  Over at Jason’s, the younger Stackhouse remains fearful of inviting the newly-fanged Reverend Steve Newlin into his home (and rightly so), while across town Sam finds himself confronted by a pack of snarling wolves.  Convincing Jason that he doesn’t even know how to glamour given his own maker simply ran off, Steve gets Jason to lower his guard for a moment and predictably then glamours his way inside.  Sam’s wolves reveal themselves to be members of Marcus Bozeman’s pack looking for whoever took their pack master, but Sam shifts into a bird to get away.

Over at Jason’s Steve glamours Jason into thinking that he asked for the good reverend to come in and duct tape his mouth shut, before turning off his mojo to reveal his real purpose:  after all this time, he’s finally come out as a gay vampire-American, and he’s in love with Jason!  Flattered, but obviously not interested, Jason turns him down, and when things turn violent, Jessica arrives to help force Steve out of the house.  And what’s this she’s wearing?  Sexy time has arrived, boys and girls.

As Lafayette and Sookie bury Tara and Pam, uncertain of whether the process will even work, Sam arrives to warm Luna and Emma of the pack’s vengeance, when speak of the wolves, the same group catches up!  Unwilling to turn in Alcide, Sam says his goodbyes and agrees to be caught by the pack.

Meanwhile, Bill and Eric manage to get themselves out of the Vampire Authority’s trunk by blowing up the car’s gas tank, but one of their captors quickly stakes the other in the aftermath.  When Eric sees her, the two immediately embrace, declaring moments later to Bill that their new friend is Nora, Eric’s sister.  Theirs isn’t the only blood-lust however, as while cleaning up the remains of Debbie Pelt, Sookie reveals to Lafayette that they can’t go to the police claiming self-defense given that Sookie voluntarily chose to blast Debbie Pelt’s head off!  Sicko.

Nora reveals that she herself had planned to break them out from the car, and ultimately smuggle them out of the country, before their explosion altered her plans and forced them to go to ground for the day.  As a high-ranking member of the Vampire Authority, Nora and Eric have gone to great lengths to conceal their relationship, their only real tie being that they were both sired by Godric.  So she’s not REALLY his sister, y’all.  That’s why it isn’t terribly gross to watch the pair bone in a shipping crate.  Yeesh.

The next day, Sookie takes Lafayette home to deal with Jesus’ corpse as well, only to find it isn’t there!  Across town, Sheriff Andy Bellefleur finds himself in a compromising position being caught in bed with Holly by her kids, while his brother Terry entertains his former squad-mate Patrick for breakfast.  Uncomfortable with Arlene and his kids hearing about his past in the army, Terry grows agitated with Patrick, who seems very suspicious to hear that their last home was destroyed in a mysterious fire.  Who wouldn’t be?

After Sookie thinks about her and Tara in the shower (not like that, you perv), Alcide drops by to warn her of Russell Edgington having broken out of his crypt.  Regardless of his having “declared himself” earlier, Sookie refuses to stay with him for safety, almost spilling the beans about Debbie before Lafayette smartly chases him out of the house.  Across town at Merlotte’s, Andy feels the sting of Holly’s ignoring him, while Jason feels a similar slight from his former friend Hoyt, as  Judge Clemens shows up to ask Andy to overlook his son Ronny’s speeding ticket.  A minor plot point to be sure, but likely to come up again.

In a dank warehouse, Sam finds himself continually tortured for information on the whereabouts of Marcus’ body, when a mysterious middle-aged woman named Martha gets him to talk by promising not to  hurt Luna or Emma.  Faring far better in the dark however is Eric, who “catches up” with Nora while Bill begrudgingly listens outside the shipping crate.  Afterward, Eric gets a distressing call from Alcide.  Wonder what that could be about…or that mysterious dead body violently dragged into a nondescript room to be eaten?

With Bill out of town, Jessica throws a party for local college kids, even flirting with a few of the local boys.  Perfect timing however, as Jason shows up, and invites himself to join, flirting with the other girls in an effort to make her jealous!  Back at Merlotte’s, Patrick confronts Terry, believing that mysterious fire to have been part of a rash of fires somehow tying into an incident with their unit in Iraq, though Terry violently brushes both he and Arlene off.  At least someone’s willing to say that ghost storyline from last year was bullsh*t.

Jason leaves the party with a girl named Cammy, seeing as Jessica is openly kissing other boys in front of him, though he ultimately decides not to have sex with her, not wanting to be a womanizer anymore.  Meanwhile, while Sookie and Lafayette wait for Pam and Tara to rise, Sam leads the pack to Marcus Bozeman’s body.  Before they enact their vengeance however, Alcide arrives to take true credit for murdering Marcus, in spite of the pack’s objections, as they begin the ritual of disposing of the previous pack manager…by eating him!  It might not have been as disturbing, if the woman named Martha hadn’t just been revealed as Marcus’ mother, now eating the corpse of her son.

Eric and Bill arrive at the docks ready to be smuggled out of the country as Marcellus Clark and Ike Applebaum respectively, when the real Vampire Authority arrives, stakes every one of the other vamps, and demands they stay put!

Back at Sookie’s, Pam emerges from the dirt, and Sookie and Lafayette mourn that Tara doesn’t seem to have survived, when all of a sudden their former friend bursts from the ground at super-speed and menacingly looms over!

Whether you love or hate the show, you have to admit that they certainly love a good cliffhanger.  So what parts of tonight’s premiere had you the most excited?  Vampire Tara certainly seems like it’s the most ripe for a bloody good season, but we definitely want to know what this mysterious Iraq mission Patrick and Terry keep going on about!  And when are we going to to meet the blasted vampire authority?

Did you get your fill of fang-banging ‘True Blood’ action?  What did you think about the episode? Join us next week for an all-new episode recap of ‘True Blood’ season 5 episode “Authority Always Wins” on HBO!

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