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Weekly Dose of Ridiculous: George Bush’s Head, Tonka Trucks and ‘Sellouts’

Weekly Dose of Ridiculous
HBO/Howard Owens/Frederick M. Brown, Getty Images

Give us this week our dose of ridiculous. Forgive these sad little people, dear internet lords, for they know not how ridiculous they are. This week’s installment brings us HBO apologizing for George W. Bush (and not how you might think), Adam Sandler continuing to make fools of us all, and a new show on Lifetime — the latter of which sounds pretty ridiculous before you even know what it is.

HBO Apologizes for Putting George W. Bush’s Head on a Spike in ‘Game of Thrones’

HBO

You know what, HBO? The last thing you need to do after people point out that former president George W. Bush’s head is on a spike in ‘Game of Thrones‘ is issue a press release apologizing for it. You’re really just making a bigger issue out of this and drawing more attention to yourself. Don’t you have more important things to worry about, like horses dying or something?

The creators of ‘Game of Thrones’ noted in the season 1 commentary that one of the prop heads used to decorate the spikes on the walls of Westeros looked like Bush, and admitted they’d used that prop for a number of reasons. No one cared, though, until this last week when the internet decided it was feeling lonely after the end of season 2 and decided to collectively pop in this DVD and listen to the commentary.

It’s a fun little Easter egg, they meant no harm, and yet HBO released an official statement with their own apology followed by that of series runners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss. The guys noted that for budget reasons (cough, HBO — as in, cough up that dough) they often have to buy props in bulk and can’t have everything made from scratch. Seriously, who cares? That guy isn’t even the president anymore, and it’s not like it was some thinly veiled threat. People didn’t notice until a year later. And knowing Bush’s capacity for intellectual thought, the guy might still not ever notice.

Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison to Make a Tonka Trucks Movie… Really

Tonka
Howard Owens

Michael Bay has ‘Transformers‘ to play with, and Adam Sandler is like, “That is so not fair! I wanna play with toys in movies, too!” And so Sony was all, “You know, his movies are really bad, you guys, but MONEY.” So hey, if the guy is going to keep making crummy movies, why not let him play with crummy toys. Who even likes Tonka trucks anyway? If your dad is a construction worker, you probably had those things forced on you as a kid. You’re probably haunted by the glaring yellow visage of a dump truck on a daily basis, and your wife just wants to know why you cry in your sleep.

Adam Sandler just gets dump trucks, you know? His movies in recent years are giant piles of garbage, and so the dump truck to him symbolizes the way he unloads that garbage onto the audience and then drives away, a heavy burden lifted from his rear end. And now we get that lovely metaphor in the form of a kids’ movie, so hopefully our children can learn a very difficult lesson about consumerism and how it allows Adam Sandler to keep making movies. Or not. Probably not.

Celebrities to Sell Stuff on Lifetime for Charity, Instead of Just Writing a Check

lance-bass
Frederick M. Brown, Getty Images

Here’s a brilliant idea, courtesy of former ‘N Sync member Lance Bass — let’s go to the homes of various celebrities and have them pick out stuff to auction off to desperate fans with money, and then take that money and give it to charity. Oh, and we’ll air it on Lifetime because this is truly television with women in mind — you know, since women are inherently nosy and all they care about is tampons and chocolate and the personal lives of celebrities and feelings. The show is called ‘Celebrity Sellouts.’ It’s so clever it hurts, y’all.

We have a better idea: Instead of this obvious ploy for attention that you just know is going to feature desperate celebrities (and we’re sure this show is going to play fast and loose with the term “celebrity” here) culling their homes for the most attractive items they can sell to people who will probably cry on and/or compulsively smell said items, why not just write a friggin’ check to charity? Being generous and charitable is about doing something nice for someone else, and yeah, it makes you feel good, but exploiting people who are dumb enough to buy this crap by profiting off of a show focused on “charity” is the wrong way to do that.

These celebrities have plenty of money. If they have crap they don’t need, that should tell you something. Why not show up to their house in reverse Ed McMahon style, make ‘em sign a giant cardboard check, and then give that check to people who actually need it? This is more than ridiculous, guys — this is just despicable.

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