Weekly Dose of Ridiculous: James Franco’s New Movie, a Butt Injury at ‘Bourne’ Screening and More
We’re impressed with the level of ridiculous this week has to offer. James Franco is making a movie about Lindsay Lohan‘s life, Universal is or isn’t or is lying about dumping Kristen Stewart from the ‘Snow White and the Huntsman‘ sequel, a dude shot himself in the butt at the movies, and ‘The Price is Right’ wants to add male models to their showroom. Could this week be any more ridiculous? Wait, don’t answer that.
James Franco can do everything, you guys! He can write, direct, act, be in soap operas, go to college, blog, smile, dance, cry on command and so much more! And now he’s looking to make a movie that will follow “two Hollywood celebrities” — a James Franco-type and a Lindsay Lohan-type — from ages 13-60. Do we really need this movie? Thanks to tabloid saturation, we’re pretty sure we already know everything there is to know about Lohan. Drugs, car wrecks, dating Samantha Ronson, car wrecks, drugs, court, car wrecks. That’s not really fair. We’re sure there’s stuff we don’t know, like her sleep schedule, what she eats and her preferred method of deep-conditioning her hair. Franco hasn’t run out of hobbies to try, so maybe he should rethink this project and try his hand at juggling, manicures, fashion design, feeding starving children in a third world country, coming up with a non-fattening version of vodka, or knitting.
Following her cheating scandal behind her ‘Twilight‘ co-star Robert Pattinson‘s back (and, like, who cares), news broke that Universal is still moving forward with ‘Snow White and the Huntsman 2′ with director Rupert Sanders scheduled to return. But Sanders is also the guy Stewart had an affair with, so that presents a bit of a problem because clearly no one can be a professional adult and do their damn job without giving longing looks and being like, “Remember that time you cheated on your boyfriend and everyone in the world found out and hated you? Misogyny is super cool!”
Then came the news that Stewart might get dropped from the film in favor of focusing on the Huntsman character, making the film’s title something like ‘That Huntsman Dude Goes Hunting Stuff.’ But then Universal was all, “Hold the phone, we never said that.”
And yet, we whisper into the abyss: Who cares? Well, if Universal does drop Stewart, this certainly reeks of some stanky sexism. Why not ditch the man in the equation? Why ditch anyone at all when you could just put on your grown-up pants and go to work like a mature adult with some damn sense?
Some fool thought he’d be super smart and go to the theater with a gun in his pocket. A 56-year-old man in Nevada took his gun to a screening of ‘The Bourne Legacy,’ and when he began shifting around in his seat, the gun went off, shooting him in the ass. He was rushed to the hospital, but it’s okay because he’s totally fine and free to continue carrying his gun around in his pocket where he might accidentally butt shoot something else. Butt shooting, like butt dialing, is very hazardous. Still, let’s take a moment to point and laugh at this idiot who thought sitting on his gun was a cool idea.
After decades of rampant sexism have kept thousands of beautiful men from fulfilling their potential to be objectified on television for the pleasure of every grandma in America, they have finally made a breakthrough. ‘The Price is Right’ is now seeking male models to showcase items like soap, snack cakes and China hutches on the show alongside their regular bevy of female models. No longer will men have to sit idly by while women continue to have the upperhand and are afforded opportunities these men are not. No longer will men question their identities and develop self-image issues, questioning their worth and lamenting their place in the world. After years of suffering in silence while women were admired and they were ignored, these men will finally have their recognition. Questions still remain: Will the men be paid the same as the women? What will they be forced to wear? Will they be treated equal to the women, or will they be looked down upon for daring to enter the ‘Price is Right’ model workforce, leaving their home lives unattended?
Still, let’s stop to applaud this victory for men everywhere. You guys have been put upon for too long. You deserve this moment to shine.