50 Shades of Grey

‘50 Shades of Grey’ doesn’t hit theaters until February 13, but Universal is already looking out for you in the future. They really just want to make sure you’re happy, you know? With that in mind, the studio has announced that the ‘50 Shades’ sequels, based on the novel trilogy by E.L. James, are already in the works.

If you were wondering just how much sex would be featured in ‘50 Shades of Grey,’ wonder no more: only 20 minutes of the film’s 100-minute runtime is comprised of sex. That might be a deal-breaker for some of you, who were hoping for a non-stop, tone-deaf fiesta of sex—you know, kind of like that horrible novel on which the film is based. What are you going to do with that other 80 minutes?

In disappointing but totally expected news, the upcoming film adaptation of ‘50 Shades of Grey’ will not include the notorious (disturbing, hilarious, and absolutely batsh— insane) tampon scene from E.L. James’ wildly popular erotica novel. For those of you hoping to see the most absurd moment from the book translated to the big screen, director Sam Taylor-Johnson has put her foot down.

It seems like a whole lot of you just can’t wait to see Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele steam up the big screen next month in ‘50 Shades of Grey.’ Online movie ticket retailer Fandango has just announced that the film is the fastest-selling R-rated feature in their 15-year history, having now sold more advance tickets in the first week of availability than ‘Sex and the City 2.’ In related news: a whole lot of you bought advance tickets to see ‘Sex and the City 2.’

If you were at home chilling and watching the Golden Globes last night (like most of us—it’s OK, you don’t need to hide your shame), you probably saw this new TV spot for ‘50 Shades of Grey.’ And if you actually have a life and better things to do, then you did not see the latest TV spot for what will undoubtedly be the most ridiculous movie this year. Prove us wrong, guys. Prove. Us. Wrong.

That 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2' trailer almost stole some thunder tonight because I pretty much forgot that we were getting a brand, uh, spanking new, Beyoncé-accompanied trailer for '50 Shades of Grey.' Shady move, Blart. The second full trailer for the upcoming adaptation of the popular 'Twilight' fan-fiction erotica novel is here, so let's break it down, shall we?

We won’t know exactly how graphic ‘50 Shades of Grey’ is going to be until we see the film with our own cursed eyeballs, but we now officially know that the film has been given an R-rating by the pearl-clutching members of the MPAA. What does that R-rating stand for? Graphic nudity, “strong sexual content,” and “unusual behavior.” Wait, what the hell is unusual behavior?!

2015 is going to be such a great year for movies—so great, in fact, that we couldn’t even narrow down our list of next year’s most anticipated films to just 10; we chose 25 instead (we’re loose cannons around here). But forget what we want. What are the most anticipated films according to moviegoing consumers like you, dear reader? A new poll reveals the top five most highly anticipated films of 2015, and the answers probably aren’t that surprising … but at least one of them is.

Isn’t it just a little early to start thinking about Valentine’s Day? When you see your neighbors put out their Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving, don’t you do a bit of a combo eyeroll-cringe? ‘50 Shades of Grey’ doesn’t seem to think it’s too early to start thinking about Valentine’s Day, and has already released its first TV spot to remind you that the holiday is approaching (in a few months), and if it’s Valentine’s Day, it’s ‘50 Shades of Grey.’

One of the great celebratory moments of 2014 was seeing Ben Affleck nude in 'Gone Girl' (and a little bit of Neil Patrick Harris too, if you were paying attention). It's not as if us women are male-nudity-starved, craven maniacs just salivating for a glimpse of wang or something, but with all the rampant female nudity and objectification that permeates pop culture, it's nice to see a little equality. So it's disheartening to hear that Jamie Dornan will not be appearing fully nude in '50 Shades of Grey,' as if that movie needed another reason to be avoided.