Fifty Shades Darker

The trailer for the handsomely-mounted live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast surfaced on Tuesday, and drew strong reactions across the board. Many were taken with the first look at the Emma Watson/Dan Stevens romance, allowing themselves to be flooded with the same swooning emotion that Disney’s animated film conjured back in 1991. Some were less impressed, expressing low-level terror at the unnatural-looking designs for Mrs. Potts, Cogsworth, Lumiere, and the rest of the anthropomorphized household object gang. But regardless of overall reception, one thing is for certain: The Guardian notes that an unprecedented crap-ton of people accessed the trailer on YouTube, making 2017’s Beauty and the Beast the most-viewed-in-a-24-hour-period trailer of all time.

Holy cow! In a turn of events more shocking than what we’ve all experienced over the past 24 hours, Fifty Shades Darker, the sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey, has gotten an R rating from the MPAA for “strong erotic sexual content, some graphic nudity, and language.” Boy, bet not even our inner goddesses saw that one coming.

We hope you’re proud of yourselves. Last April, the second Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer garnered 88 million views in 24 hours, breaking the record previously set by Furious 7. That’s 3.7 million views per hour. Now, it looks like the trailer for Fifty Shades Darker has not only beaten, but curbstomped that record, weighing in at 114 million views in one day.

Uh, wait — is Fifty Shades Darker a ’90s thriller? That certainly seems to be the case based on the first full trailer for the upcoming sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey, in which Dakota Johnson’s Anastasia Steele reunites with Jamie Dornan’s Christian Grey for another quasi-erotic outing. This time there are no rules (or any humor that we can see), but there are lots of fireworks, a masquerade party, a new beau and a stalker…or two?

Hey, remember that brief, wacky moment in pop culture history when Fifty Shades of Grey dominated (sorry) the media and resulted in several awkward phone calls with your mom? Yeah? Good. You might also remember that we still have two sequels to look forward to based on E.L. James’ trilogy of erotic novels, and the teaser for the first, Fifty Shades Darker, has arrived along with a new poster that cordially invites you to the premiere of the first full trailer.

Just when it seemed like Fifty Shades Darker had finished casting, they’ve gone and snatched up Hugh Dancy. We’ve been lulled into and violently shaken from a false sense of security, and now no one is safe from the sadistic whims of E.L. James and her sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey.

So far, all the new casting additions for Fifty Shades Darker have been women, making it seem as though the sequel does nothing to disprove the idea that this is a crazy-pants world in which everything and everyone revolves around Christian Grey. If you were getting tired of looking at that guy, good news: not only has the Fifty Shades of Grey sequel added a new male cast member, but he’s going to be competing for our attention (and Ana’s too, sure).

Christian Grey will have his hands full in Fifty Shades Darker — between dealing with the fallout from the end of Fifty Shades of Grey and interference from his older ex-lover Elena, Christian will also have to handle the appearance of another ex-partner. Yes, that cardboard cutout of Jamie Dornan sure will have some ’splaining to do as Bella Heathcote has joined the cast of the upcoming sequel in the role of one of his other former sexy-times friends.

In Fifty Shades of Grey, Jamie Dornan’s Christian Grey alludes to his former lover / sex buddy Elena Lincoln, who basically serves as his very own Mrs. Robinson — the two had an affair when Christian was just 15 years old, as if his whole situation couldn’t get any more skeevy. Today comes news that Universal has found its Ms. Lincoln in Kim Basinger, a fitting choice for the role of the seductive, experienced and confident character who will throw a wrench in Christian’s relationship with Ana.

In a development likely to give Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan some sense of relief, Universal has officially decided to shoot Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed back to back, giving its actors a chance to fulfill their commitments to the troubled franchise in one fell swoop. In addition, the studio has confirmed James Foley to direct both sequels, with author E.L. James’ husband Niall Leonard adapting both stories for the big screen.