If you were at home chilling and watching the Golden Globes last night (like most of us—it’s OK, you don’t need to hide your shame), you probably saw this new TV spot for ‘50 Shades of Grey.’ And if you actually have a life and better things to do, then you did not see the latest TV spot for what will undoubtedly be the most ridiculous movie this year. Prove us wrong, guys. Prove. Us. Wrong.

The latest TV spot for ‘50 Shades of Grey’ wants to make a few things clear: first of all, Jamie Dornan’s Christian Grey doesn’t do romance. He’s also, in the words of Anastasia Steele’s roommate, “ridiculously hot.” I dunno, has her roommate ever watched the British series ‘The Fall’? Because bearded psychopath Jamie Dornan > fake American, clean-cut, ‘50 Shades of Grey’ Jamie Dornan. I don’t care how many shots of shirtless Jamie Dornan there are in ‘50 Shades of Grey.’ Call Gillian Anderson. She’ll tell you what’s up.

Anyway, our latest peek at this Valentine’s Day’s major movie event also teases just how much Dakota Johnson’s Anastasia is going to get under Christian’s skin and forever change his views on romance. “What are you doing to me?” Christian asks, and I really hope the answer is “slowly conditioning him to be a man who is more respectful of women based on this one episode of Oprah’s show that Anastasia watched for like, five minutes the other day.”

‘50 Shades of Grey’ hits theaters on February 13.

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