‘Mad Men’ Final Premiere Brings Death, Firings and So Many Mustaches

The end of an era has begun, now that Mad Men pulled back the curtain on its final seven episodes with Sunday’s “Severance,” but could Matthew Weiner really top the Season 7 shocker of “Waterloo“? Why, yes! Find out who died, who hooked up, and just how many mustaches have been put on the table by our full Sterling-Cooper report!

You’re warned of all the spoilers from Sunday’s Mad Men premiere from here on out, but it’s true, ladies and gentlemen. The end of an era may be near, but the Age of Mustaches has only begun. Not only did newly-minted moneybags Roger Sterling sport the most dashing lip-ferret in all of New York, but so too did Teddy Chaough spin his earlier despair into whiskers worthy of Ron Swanson himself.

You probably want to know what Don, and some of the other non-mustachioed employees got up to, right? Well, bully for you! Death darkened Don Draper’s doorstep once more, as the floundering of Topaz pantyhouse lead Don to a dream-inspired meeting with Rachel Menken-Katz (Sons of Anarchy star Maggie Siff), only to find that she’d died not one week earlier of leukemia. Try though it might, grief couldn’t keep ol’ Donnie from other women, palling around with Roger, calling a stewardess for companionship, and pursuing a familiar-seeming waitress named Di (Elizabeth Reaser), at least as far as the alley outside.

Of course, it wasn’t all sex and mustaches, as the still one-eyed Ken Cosgrove found himself at a crossroads of employment, in one corner Alex Mack his wife urging him to quit and write a novel, in the other Roger and a McCann rep ready to fire him all the same. Ken seemed to embrace his ironic fate, only to turn around and usurp the Dow Chemical client position through his father-in-law, vowing to make hell for Roger and Pete, to whom Kenneth had been forced to give up his accounts. Hmm, one-eyed villain swearing revenge on our AMC heroes? Sounds familiar…

And where are Joan and Peggy in all of this, you ask? The fearless females bridged their connections through McCann-Erickson to see about getting Topaz pantyhose in a department store, only to find their McCann liasons unable to get past thoughts of Joan’s own underwear. After being humiliated in the meeting, Peggy attempted some friendly encouragement for Joan to tone down her wardrobe, less subtly reminding her former boss of her newfound wealth. Take the advice to heart Joan certainly did, lavishing herself with yet more expensive clothing. Peggy didn’t make out too badly either, accepting a fix-up from an underling’s wife, and nearly a romantic trip to Paris following their hot and heavy date, only to come to her sober senses the next morning.

Regrettably, Pete Campbell appears to have lost no further hair, and attracted no further bears. Hey, still six more episodes to go! And maybe we’ll check in with Betty Draper Francis Whatever and the kids, while we’re at it! We’ll give you the minutes on Mad Men‘s final seven hours as they unfold, and find who next grows a major mustache, now that we’ve officially breached the 1970s! Is it Sally? I bet it’s Sally!