'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' was a successful film -- so wildly and bafflingly successful, in fact, that its sequel, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2,' now has an official release date. Grab your calendars and a marker and quietly cry as you circle the day where you will be reminded of our failures as a human race. 

Columbia Pictures has officially marked April 17, 2015 as the day that Kevin James' Paul Blart, he who is known as the Mall Cop, will hold audiences hostage once more. 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' grossed $183 million worldwide -- yes, even with a name like that. And on a mere $26 million budget!

Director Andy Fickman will return, with star Kevin James once again co-writing the, uh, script with Nick Bakay. We are, of course, playing fast and loose with professional terminology here as this is a movie about an overweight security guard who proves himself by defending his mall against dangerous criminals. In the sequel, Paul Blart goes to Las Vegas and has to prove himself in front of his daughter when people make fun of him -- and also there are more bad guys for him to beat up, but this time they're art thieves because someone saw one of those fancy Steven Soderbergh 'Ocean's' movies on TBS in between syndicated airings of 'The King of Queens' (wonder who that could be).

These are the movies, folks.

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