Thanos Thoughts: Iron Man Has Replaced Me

Hello, my name is Thanos and I live on a rock in space. This is my blog and these are my thoughts.

I’ve recently been seeing a lot of ads for your new Earth movie called ‘Interstellar.’ I hope that your Matthew McConaughey uses a wormhole to find me and my space rock. Pay no heed, I am no threat to your great McConaughey, I still don’t have any Infinity Stones lol. I would even let your great McConaughey sit in my space chair. I am a big fan of ‘EDtv’ lol.

I have been reading that I am doing such a poor job of being a villain that Iron Man is now replacing me. At first, this made me very angry. It’s not easy to hear that I am so bad at my job that they had to hire a good guy to replace me as the bad guy. But, the more I thought about it, the more this makes sense because I am very bad at being a villain. Maybe you’ve heard this joke:

“Knock Knock.”

“Who is it?”

“Thanos.”

“Come on in, you don’t scare me.”

But this is all true. When I was first hired, Marvel had heard that I was the ultimate big bad. But the truth is, that just meant I’m bad at my jobs. Back in college, I had a job as a soda jerk and I used to spill soda everywhere. That’s when people started saying, “Oh, he’s the ultimate big bad soda jerk.” Some people thought that meant I was a tough guy, but it really meant I was bad at pouring soda. Over time, the “soda jerk” part went away because people don’t use that term anymore. But, it’s led to some confusion.

If I do ever take over Earth, I will bring back the soda jerk.

In other news, I auditioned for Doctor Strange in an "if you can’t beat them, join them" kind of way. I think it went well. The casting director said he liked my smile. I was told I’d get a call soon. I only have Skype. lol

- I watched ‘Tootsie’ the other night.

- I don’t like Thor. He smells like feet.

The Earth movie studio, Warner Bros., announced a lot of superhero movies featuring people I’ve never heard of. Aquaman? What is that? Oh, come and get me out here on my space rock, Aquaman. lol. There aren’t any starfish out here for you to use against me. But I don’t have any Infinity Stones, so it will probably be a pretty fair fight. I can slap pretty hard.

- I see there will be a new Green Lantern movie lol.

- Billy Eichner is really funny.

- I wish I worked for Galoob.

- I am a big fan of Eagle Eye Cherry. I’ve seen him live over 40 times.

- I designed the logo for Napster.

- For Halloween, I like to hand out attic fans.

- I’m only three baseball cards away from having a complete set of 1986 Topps.

- For a time, I went by the name Brent Thanos.

- Mark Wahlberg is a great actor, but Kenny Rogers will ALWAYS be The Gambler.

- I hope the ‘Mannequin’ franchise gets a deserved reboot.

Here’s another joke:

“Knock knock.”