There’s some bio-terrorism a-brewin’ in London, and it’s up to Noomi Rapace to track down the no-noodniks responsible and dispense some harsh and uncompromising justice. Nope, it’s not another iteration of the Swedish Girl With the Dragon Tattoo franchise, it’s the new trailer for the upcoming espionage thriller Unlocked. Rapace plays a stone-cold killer who does everything Jason Bourne did (but in chunky heels) as she shoots her way through the United Kingdom’s capital city to disarm a viral germ bomb of some manner or another. It’s a glowing green liquid in a syringe; whatever it is, we know it’s not good news.

It’s one of many elements in the trailer that scans as potentially so-silly-it’s-good and potentially non-ironically-good. There’s a supremely affected John Malkovich sinking his teeth into the role of Rapace’s CIA handler, Orlando Bloom playing a [Cockney accent] absolute ledge of a chav as her partner in crime-fighting, Michael Douglas stepping in as some manner of mentor to Rapace, and Toni Collette sporting a bold haircut and firing a machine gun. Weirder still, the film was directed by the eclectic Michael Apted, an esteemed documentarian for his protracted 7 Up series and one-time Oscar-nominated director behind such films as The Coal Miner’s Daughter, then relegated to Narnia sequels.

Though it’s already had a release in the U.K., Unlocked comes to stateside theaters on September 1 (along with a simultaneous video on-demand release the same day — ouch). Whether Yankee audiences will be able to embrace what appears to be a carefully calibrated mix of the goofy and the super-serious — the very fate of Big Ben rests on our counter-terrorism efforts! — has yet to be seen. Cheerio!

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