New ‘Jurassic World’ TV Spot: The Park Is (Almost) Open
After careful consideration and much consultation with my family and our spiritual advisor, I have decided to cancel my upcoming trip to Jurassic World. Sure, it looks great, and I’ve heard the breakfast buffet is a terrific value. But I just have this weird feeling that if I went there I would be eaten by a dinosaur. Don’t ask me why; just a hunch.
Okay, it’s hunch and also this latest TV spot for the film, which announces that the park (a.k.a. the film Jurassic World) opens on June 12, followed by shots of dinosaurs run amok, eating tourists. (I hope they bought vacation insurance.) You’ll also see Chris Pratt investigating a “new attraction,” who ate its sibling and is now “killing for sport.” Clever girl!
I hope by the end of the film this crazy dinosaur watches a Friday the 13th movie and then puts on a jumpsuit and hockey mask before continuing its sadistic rampage. Damn you Bryce Dallas Howard! Damn you Dino-Jason! Why won’t you let these morons who think it’s a good idea to watch real living dinosaurs up close enjoy their stupid vacations in peace?!? IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!?
Jurassic World opens in theaters on June 12. I’m thinking about going to Epcot instead.