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‘Parker’ Trailer: The Jason Statham and J. Lo Movie You Didn’t Know You Wanted

FilmDistrict

What’s more ridiculous than Jason Statham robbing a bank as a priest? We can think of a few things, and they’re all found in this new trailer for ‘Parker,’ the latest Jason Statham film that looks like… well, every Jason Statham film — only this time he has Jennifer Lopez.

We’re not sure you’re prepared to watch this new trailer for ‘Parker’; in fact, Jason Statham isn’t sure, either, so he’s filmed an introduction, but your brains are really fragile after years of watching ‘Transporter’ and ‘Crank’ movies, so he’s keeping it simple and direct. “Here is your first look at my new film, ‘Parker.’” Oh boy, we’re in for a treat, aren’t we?

The film follows Parker, played by Statham, a robber who only steals from rich people and only hurts people who “deserve” it. But when some bad dudes (including Michael Chiklis) leave him for dead, he sets out to take his revenge with the help of Jennifer Lopez, who, as we’re supposed to infer from this trailer, knows a thing or two about driver’s licenses… or something. Apparently she’s some kind of expert on fake identities or crime of some kind — it’s not really clear.

But let’s focus on the positive! Jason Statham in a priest costume with fake hair. Jason Statham beating guys up in a moving SUV. Jason Statham doing a really bad Matthew McConaughey impression — it seems that Mr. Statham is checking off his “Statham action figures” list pretty thoroughly this time around.

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