There are two types of Adam Sandler movies, and two types of Adam Sandler performances. The first type of Adam Sandler movie is a big Hollywood comedy (at least in conception), and they typically feature a loud, goofy, abrasive Sandler who screams, rants, and occasionally gets kicked in the groin and/or peed on by a deer. The second type of Adam Sandler movie is a smaller drama, and they typically feature a quiet, mopey Sandler who talks about as much as a mime. There are a few examples of crossover between the two (Sandler's great 'Punch-Drunk Love' features a loud type-1 Sandler character in a more grounded type-2-style film), but almost everything he's ever made falls into one of those two buckets.

Sandler's latest project, 'The Cobbler,' is clearly Type-2 Sandler. In the trailer above, Sandler is barely verbal, and looks so beaten down by life that he struggles to even keep his chin off his chest. His simple cobbler is changed forever after he discovers a machine in his shop's basement with magic powers: It physically transforms Sandler's Max into the owner of any pair of shoes he wears. So if a pair of shoes was owned by J. Edgar Hoover, for example, and Max put them on, Max would transform into J. Edgar Hoover and would then be the head of the FBI.

That sounds like a great idea for a movie to me (at least the J. Edgar Hoover part), and 'The Cobbler' was co-written and directed by Thomas McCarthy, the talented filmmaker behind stuff like 'The Station Agent' and 'Win Win.' So there's no reason to be anything but extremely excited for this, right? Not exactly; the reviews of 'The Cobbler' out of the Toronto Film Festival were anything but positive. Here's what our own Mike Ryan had to say when he saw the film in Toronto:

Now, this scenario could have led to a story that was sweet and simple and forgettable. That would have been the preferable option. Max uses his newfound powers to turn himself into an African American man and run out on a check at a restaurant. He then uses the powers to turn himself into an even bigger African American man so that he can mug another man for his shoes. Max also likes to turn himself into a transgendered woman and there are a lot of jokes about that, too. This is all terrible for obvious reasons.

D'oh. 'The Cobbler' is still awaiting an official U.S. release date. Maybe it'll receive a drastic re-edit before it gets one, and the movie will be great? And no, Adam Sandler is not wearing my shoes and typing these words for me. I actually think this.