[Awkward silence that lasts for eternity.]

Wow. This is actually happening. Kevin Spacey is starring in a movie (called Nine Lives) where a wealthy businessman is turned into a cat (called “Mr. Fuzzypants”) because according to Christopher Walken (playing “Christopher Walken”), he hasn’t been there for his family and he’s going to be “stuck inside this cat” until he makes things right.

Look, I haven’t seen Nine Lives yet. So this maybe an issue that’s actually addressed in the film. But wouldn’t a bad dad be of more use to his family if he, like, remained human and then showed up to dinners, and helped his daughter with her homework, and did his fair share of the house work? How is he supposed to make things right while he’s stuck inside the body of an adorable cat? Cats don’t contribute anything. That’s what makes them cats. This seems like a weird sort of cosmic punishment, almost like Christopher Walken doesn’t actually care if Spacey becomes a better family man, and mostly just wants to see what happens when you put a stuffy businessman inside the body of a kitty.

Which, to be fair, sounds like an awesome movie. Honestly, as much as I want to be like “This is stupid, no one will ever go see this,” I have to tell you: I will totally go see this. I will see Kevin Spacey become a cat and get bathed by his daughter and be mad about it, and I will imagine it as a weirdo fifth season of House of Cards, and I will have a fantastic time. Barry Sonnenfeld directed it! He made the Men in Black movies! Even the last one!

Nine Lives opens in theaters on August 5. We will be there. Possibly drunk.