Jupiter Ascending

I was not a huge fan of the Wachowskis’ ‘Jupiter Ascending.’ But as I said in my review, if there was a longer version of that movie, I would totally watch it. ‘Jupiter’ is an absolute mess, but a lot of it feels messy because it’s so rushed, cramming an entire universe of mythology and dog-men who look like Channing Tatum into a little over two hours. I couldn’t say for certain why the movie is that length, but if I had to guess, I’d imagine that studio executives who invested $175 million in this sci-fi boondoggle didn’t want a three-hour epic, and kindly requested (or sternly demanded) a shorter, zippier movie. The result moves quickly at the expense of any sense of coherence.

‘Jupiter Ascending’ may be something of a commercial and critical failure, but even with its many (many) flaws, there’s one thing we can all appreciate about it: the robust, incredibly inventive and immersive production designs. It’s just something we’ve come to expect from Lana and Larry Wachowski, and it’s one element of their films that will reliably never disappoint. New concept art from the film has been released, showing off even more details from the world of ‘Jupiter Ascending,’ including hints at an expanded story for Channing Tatum’s character.

After spending nearly a month dominating the box office, the mighty ‘American Sniper’ has fallen. And no, it did not fall to the massively expensive sci-fi epic ‘Jupiter Ascending’ and it didn’t fall to the massively expensive fantasy epic ‘Seventh Son,’ both of which arrived with a thud. No, it fell to a cartoon sea sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea.

This week’s big new releases, ‘Jupiter Ascending’ and ‘Seventh Son,’ share something in common. Both were originally due out months ago, and delayed until this week for a variety of reasons. There is a widely-held assumption that delays can be directly correlated with quality, and that when something gets bumped off the release calendar it guarantees the movie is a dud. Now that assumption might be right this week, but films get delayed all the time for many reasons—and even if that reason is because they needs additional work, that doesn’t mean the revisions won’t be successful. While there have been plenty of delayed stinkers in Hollywood history (the ‘Red Dawn’ remake could have remained unreleased forever as far as I’m concerned), there’s also been a surprising number of movies that were held back unfairly; enough to suggest that this stereotype needs to be rethought, and to assemble the following list of good to flat-out great films that sat on a shelf:

Episode 415 of ‘Seinfeld’ was called “The Movie,” and it ended with Jerry delivering a monologue about the guy in every group of friends who can’t follow the plots of films and invariably spends them whispering confused questions to their seatmates (“Why did they kill that guy? I thought he was with them? Wasn't he with them? Why would they kill him if he was with them? Oh, he wasn't with them. It's a good thing they killed him!”) ‘Jupiter Ascending’ turned me into that guy. If you can explain the plot of this baffling movie in all of its intricacies, you are either a genius or one of the Wachowskis who wrote and directed it. It’s hard to believe that a movie that contains this much exposition could also be this confusing, but it does and it is. Something went horribly wrong here.

In about four hours, I’m seeing ‘Jupiter Ascending,’ the latest film from Andy and Lana Wachowski. I’m beyond excited. I see early responses like “mad, majestic, magnificently overblown” or “legendarily awful” and I get pumped, because I know love it or hate it, I am about to see something. It certainly sounds like the Wachowskis have outdone themselves in the crazy department, which is particularly impressive since these are the Wachowskis we’re talking about, and the baseline for their movies is already pretty nutty.

‘Batman vs. Superman’ doesn’t open until 2016, but our first glimpse at footage from Zack Snyder’s ‘Man of Steel’ follow-up may be right around the corner. According to the latest internet buzz, the first teaser trailer for the film will arrive next month, attached to ‘Jupiter Ascending.’

We've seen a bunch of trailers now for 'Jupiter Ascending,' the upcoming Wachowski siblings' sci-fi action film, and while we have no idea whether it will be any good or whether it will make any money, one thing has become abundantly clear: this movie is completely insane.

With Comic-Con 2014 just over two weeks away, we're starting to get a very clear idea of what we'll be seeing in San Diego. Many of the TV panels have been announced and today comes our first confirmation of what to expect on the movie side. Warner Bros. have announced their Comic-Con plans and it will include brand new footage from 'The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies,' 'Mad Max: Fury Road' and 'Jupiter Ascending'!

The later part of this summer has already seen a lot of titles move and shift from one week to the next, but now The Wachowski's 'Jupiter Ascending' has bowed out of the summer box office battlefield altogether. The film, which stars Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis, is now set to open February 6, 2015.