'Magic Mike' is the latest Steven Soderbergh movie about male strippers and the challenges they face while grinding their hips into your girlfriend's face every night. The movie is filled with lots of Hollywood beefcake, and even though the movie is an excellent one (it really is!) sadly some guys might never realize that because they're turned off by having to stare at all of that man meat for two hours. But what if someone had made a 'Magic Mike' movie for men? And who would they cast?
We compiled thousands and thousands of pictures, videos and late-night arguing sessions on who the five hottest babes in Hollywood should be cast in our 'Magic Michelle' (??) movie. Even if you don't agree with our picks, you'd still go see the movie. What would the movie be about? WHO CARES.
Now before you think this was a "safe" pick to make, and that you're tired of seeing Scarlett on screen, we say, of course she's a safe pick. She's still hotter than 99.999% of the planet and we'd pay as much money to see her strip a Fruit Roll-Up as we would to see her strip off her clothes.
The Avenger still has that classic beauty and tractor beam smile that would have every guy in the crowd looking like a cartoon wolf whose eyes just popped out of his head. Scarlett would play the brainy character, who was good at luring in customers who just wanted to go out for a beer and ended up going home penniless, with nothing but lipstick on their collar and a broken heart.
Is there a hotter woman on the planet right now? This isn't a trick question. We're really wondering because we have yet to see anything on this planet hotter than her. Even if the zombie apocalypse were to happen and she were to turn, she'd still be hotter than any of the survivors. We actually debated on the moralities of dating a zombie if this were to happen. Everyone agreed we'd take our chances if it was Genesis Rodriguez that were stalking us.
Genesis would play the owner of the club in our movie. She'd be the veteran who trained the girls to make her money and make the fellas happy. But if things got slow, she'd be ready to pounce on stage and put on a show that would be etched into the annals of stripping history.
Even though she recently got married, it doesn't matter because there's no way that guy can keep all of the goodness (get it?) packaged into Meagan's body. If she were a trap from 'Ghostbusters' that held hotness, she would have exploded 50 times over from mega-babe overload.
Meagan would play the bad girl in the movie. Always breaking the rules and guy's faces when they got "too" friendly with her. That's understandable though. We're pretty sure you'd run out of dollar bills so fast if she were on stage that you'd resort to throwing change at her just to get her attention. 36-24-36 is the combination to our hearts, Meagan.
If there's one reason to believe in human cloning -- Katrina Bowden is it. We would sacrifice a thousand virgins and level cities without blinking an eye if we knew we could clone Katrina. It's a longshot, but we came to the conclusion that the only way the planet can achieve world peace is if there are six billion Katrina Bowdens available to date.
Katrina would play the ex-porn star who just got into stripping. We don't care why, we don't need to be nosy. We just need to make sure that if she's cast, that the movie is shot in IMAX 3D and every seat in the theater has D-Box. Someone please do a Kickstarter project and get this movie made. Now.
Wanna know why men have started wars over the centuries? Because women like Alison Brie are walking around. You'd send battalions of troops to their death too if it meant you could spend the rest of your days with this outrageously hot 'Community' star. If you're not a fan of strip clubs, we're betting you'd become one if you found out she'd be crawling around on stage wearing nothing but a thong. The only bad thing about her stripping? She'd have to do it inside of a shark cage to keep all of you from getting your hands on her.
Alison would play the "girl next door" who appeared to be the waitress in the club, only to jump onstage and gyrate her hips so fast she'd be able to cause a vortex in the room that sucked all of the ones out of your pocket. Who needs a plot when you've got hot?
Ladies, you can have your Magic Mike, with your Channing Tatums and your Alex Pettyfers and your greased up Matthew McConaugheys. We're going to make our own version with the ladies we cast in the list above. That's if we can ever stop staring at their pictures long enough to write the damn thing. Now who would YOU want to star in a female version of 'Magic Mike?' Vote below...