It’s time for another addition of ScreenCrush’s as-old-as-time-itself feature, the ScreenCrush ScreenCrunch Cereal Of The Week.
‘Gremlins’ (along with ‘Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom’), because of its violence, helped begin the era of PG-13 movies. “Oh, it’s too scary to be rated PG,” they said. “There really should be something in-between PG and R.” Now, what started as something that was to be for the rare movie that fit in-between the once popular PG and R ratings, is now pretty much every movie. The next ‘Star Wars’ movie will be rated PG-13. Every ‘Star Wars’ movie from now on until the end of time will be rated PG-13. You and I have both been rated PG-13.
So, to celebrate our PG-13 lives, there was ‘Gremlins’ cereal. Is it safe to pour milk on ‘Gremlins’ cereal? What if it causes your cereal to multiply? Actually, assuming that you like ‘Gremlins’ cereal, that would be a great thing! Who wouldn’t want free cereal just by getting that cereal wet? Sadly, it appears that the good folks at Ralston fixed this flaw.
The second best part about the ‘Gremlins’ cereal commercial is the voiceover. “Are you hungry?” a creepy yet somewhat soothing voice asks me. I am hungry, actually. And if this man offered me ‘Gremlins’ cereal, I would eat some.
The actual best part of the commercial is the ‘Gremlins’ cereal theme song, which exists. Here’s how those lyrics go:
“Gremlins, Gremlins, bite after bite/what a tasty way to satisfy your Gremlin appetite.”
While this is playing, a child peeks into his refrigerator, but he has giant Gremlin ears.
What’s odd is that after the child eats ‘Gremlins’ cereal, his Gremlin ears disappear. I’m not sure what the director of this commercial is trying to say by this turn of events. Is it a cure? Is it poison? In the universe that this child lives in, are the people with the Gremlin ears normal? His sister has Gremlin ears, too, and hers also vanish after eating ‘Gremlins’ cereal -- even though she didn’t try it until she observed what happened to her brother. Honestly, I’m not sure we’re supposed to know. I think the answer here has been left purposefully ambiguous.
The verdict: No one at ScreenCrush HQ has ever eaten ‘Gremlins’ cereal, so we don’t really know for sure. But, really, isn’t all cereal pretty good?
Next Week: Probably C-3P0s.
Mike Ryan is the senior editor of ScreenCrush. You can contact him directly on Twitter.