Have you ever seen those movie ads on TV filled with gushing quotes from critics and thought to yourself, “I saw that movie; it was terrible. Where did they find these positive reviews?” If you have, you’re not alone — and you’re going to love ScreenCrush’s newest series, Critics Are Raving, which balances the cinematic scales with trailers full of slightly more accurate (and slightly more negative) lines from reviews. Real critics. Real quotes. Really bad movies. That’s what’s Critics Are Raving is all about.
It has long been a fine American tradition to escape the awkward enclosure of your parents’ house over your holiday vacation and spend a few hours in the local movie theater, where everyone can shut up about politics and stop swapping passive aggressive comments on each other’s lifestyle for a few hours. 2016 was no different, with Rogue One: A Star Wars Story and Sing drawing in the big crowds while La La Land and Fences impressed in limited release. Not so impressive: Passengers, Why Him?, and Assassin’s Creed, each of which underperformed.
The assassins of Assassin’s Creed have an assassin's creed that they recite repeatedly in Assassin’s Creed. (If that mere fact alone makes you smile, you’re in for a treat.) This creed involves the phrases like “nothing is true” and “everything is permitted” (the assassins are the good guys in this movie, by the way) and concludes with the declaration "We operate in the darkness to preserve the light."
BREAKING NEWS: After spending a bunch of money on a blockbuster motion picture, a Hollywood studio would like to turn that movie into its own franchise. This will come as quite a shock to the one person on the internet who is both familiar enough with the Assassin’s Creed franchise to get excited for the movie adaptation but who honestly believed that 20th Century Fox was taking a one-and-done approach with the film.
There are three things you have to know in order to be a good Assassin: how to tell who your enemies are, how to throw a dagger, and how to jump off of things. In this new clip from Assassin’s Creed, Michael Fassbender’s Callum Lynch/Aguilar knows his enemy (it’s easy to tell when they’re aiming a crossbow at you), throws a ton of daggers with deadly accuracy, and takes one death-defying leap of faith.
Even though Assassin’s Creed hasn’t even come out yet, and its sequel prospects are pretty up in the air, despite an ensemble cast of some of the most talented actors working today (let’s be honest, the trailers look bizarre, but we’re staying hopeful), director Justin Kurzel is already making plans for the next installment. He knows where he wants it to be set, and it’s about as far away from the Spanish Inquisition as you can get, without going in the opposite direction. (Assassins fighting Templars and dinosaurs would be cool though. Hmm. Anyone have Kurzel’s email?)
As far as movies go, Assassin’s Creed is kind of in a weird spot. On the one hand, the cast of A-listers — and a budget estimated somewhere around $200 million — would suggest that the studio has every intention of overcoming the terrible track record of big screen video game adaptations. On the other hand, though, executives at game developer Ubisoft have previously admitted that they do not expect the film to make a lot of money. While they have confidence in their movie, they view it as more of a marketing effort on behalf of the games, not the other way around.
A great many things happen in the new trailer for Justin Kurzel’s upcoming adaptation of the popular video game Assassin’s Creed. Great thespians Jeremy Irons and Charlotte Rampling have a staring contest while saying the words “the Apple of Eden” with a straight face. A giant robotic arm grabs Michael Fassbender and throws him into the past. There’s a burning at the stake and smoke bombs and a double-neck-stabbing and so much more, and yet this all pales in comparison to the magnificent sight of Michael Kenneth Williams saying “What now, pioneer?” to our hero. It’s like seeing the aurora borealis, or Niagara Falls, or the miracle of a new life beginning. It’s majestic, elemental even. Clearly, other things will happen in this movie, but in a way, is Assassin’s Creed not a documentary about the former Omar Little saying “What now, pioneer?”
Michael Fassbender has a lot to learn about assassin-ing for Assassin’s Creed, and a recent clip introducing the new Animus didn’t make his prospects look very promising. But today’s new clip shows a much more capable Callum Lynch/Aguilar, who is a lot more confident in his physics-defying parkour skills.
Our ongoing celebration of the best from the world of film in 2016 continues with our ranking of the finest movie posters of the year. In the gallery above you’ll see our picks for the 25 best. They range from massive hits to to tiny indie releases; we decided not to limit our list just to huge commercial successes. We don’t determine a movie’s quality by its box office totals. Why should we determine a poster’s quality that way?