'True Blood': The Good, The Bad, and The Worst of "Somebody That I Used to Know"Britt Hayes |
This week's episode of 'True Blood' gets a little too afterschool special for its own good, until Lafayette starts calling all the ladies "hookers" again and the fairies remind us that this is a show with, you know, fairies in it, and we're supposed to take these things seriously.
Join us as we recount the good, the bad, and the absolute worst 'True Blood' had to offer this week. Hint: How do you feel about werewolf sex?
- When the words "shut up, butt plug" are uttered by Andy in the first minute of the episode, you know this is going to be an insightful, poignant hour of television.
- Russell is our exposition-bearer this week, as he explains that last week ended with him watching Lilith emerge from a blood pool while he ate a bride to the dulcet tones of "You Light Up My Life." I'm not sure which is more amusing: that this almost exactly sounds like a dream I had after drinking too much NyQuil, or that Russell used the words "dulcet tones."
- Werewolves have sex like dogs because obviously.
- "I hate this g-- damn town." Andy is the audience proxy this season. Let's keep him clean and sober because watching a show about a straight-laced cop trying to cope with a town full of supernatural kooks sounds really cute to me. It's like 'Eight is Enough,' right? I never watched that show. Figure it out.
- Lafayette is back to calling people "hooker" and can now join Andy back in the rational part of town. "I'm about to slip my ass in this tub and get high as a motherf---er. Enjoys ya day." This line is a projection of my soul and vibrates within me at a frequency you can't even begin to imagine. Sorry, I'm getting a contact high from everyone on this show right now.
- "Tara's new, and stupid." -- Pam, whose happy face is the same as her mad face.
- Each week the episode takes its title from the song used during the closing credits, and this week the 'True Blood' staff thought they could pull some M. Night Shyamalan-level twistery by titling the show "Somebody That I Used to Know," and then instead of using that Gotye song that makes us all hate-sing our hearts out, they threw a curve and played the Elliott Smith song of the same name, reminding me that A. This show is actually okay sometimes, and B. I miss Elliott Smith.
- Luna has a this is your brain on drugs/'Girl, Interrupted' moment that brings with it the unwelcome reminder that shifters can emulate other people. The upside: Sam Trammell's impressions of cast members stuck in his body is the most bizarrely amazing acting skill.
- Sookie's laser light fairy fingers show is just missing some Floyd and a few rips from my sister's bong.
- You know, Bill's daughter is kind of stupid.
- I'd like to know how many parents leave their child's discarded, bloody band-aids kickin' around in the back seats of their sedans before they realize, hey, this is maybe really unhygienic of me.
- Nature has a frozen memory. Did Nature buy that Margaritaville drink machine like I did? If so, I hope Nature kept the receipt. Return it now. You'll use it three times and then forget about it until you realize it makes shaved ice, and then you'll use it one more time before letting it sit on your counter as a conversation piece.
- This 'Lost' episode has become 'Harry Potter' because now Terry has to kill that fool from 'Felicity' or the other way around, but only one of them can live and I'm having a hard time figuring out which one is Voldemort in this equation because they both have good faces.
- It's easy: we bomb the True Blood factories. Oh, duh. For beings that are immortal, you'd think they'd find time to, you know, read a book or get smart or something.
- Hoyt's sausage militia leaves Jessica hanging out in the Mark Romanek/Fiona Apple music video corner of the room.
- I think I get it now. Everyone on this show is high as f---. What the hell is a fairy ripple?
- Warlow. It sounds like something you say with a mouth full of ice cream, and giving this guy marble mouth and a blank face doesn't make him scary. He's like the Freddy Krueger of vampires, but his special effects are worse and he doesn't even have puns.
- SHREVEPORT PACK! LET'S MAKE SOME NOIIIISE! YEAH!! HOW Y'ALL FEELING TONIGHT?! I JUST FLEW IN AND MY WINGS ARE TIRED, ANYWAY HERE'S ALCIDE WITH SOME DOPE RHYMES TO MAKE YA HEAD SPIN. Is this a werewolf pack meeting or the Gathering of the Juggalos? You decide.