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Weekly Dose of Ridiculous: ‘Ghostbusters 3′ (Again), Fassbender, ‘World War Z’ and More

Ghostbusters
Columbia

With Comic-Con 2012 in full swing (have you checked out our coverage? Do that) we still managed to find and report the most ridiculous stories to hit the news this week. For your consideration: the very best of the worst. Spoiler: Michael Fassbender finally did something to disappoint us.

‘Ghostbusters 3′ is Still a Thing They Are Trying to Make Happen

Remember when Bill Murray said in an interview that he only starred in ‘Garfield’ because he thought Joel Cohen was Joel Coen of the Coen Brothers? Well the latest writer to be summoned for ‘Ghostbusters 3‘ duty is Etan Cohen, not to be confused with Ethan Coen of the Coen Brothers, so maybe Dan Aykroyd thinks he can trick Bill Murray into liking this script. Likely story, you guys. Murray has been turning down scripts for ‘Ghostbusters 3,’ refusing to sign on until he finds a script funny enough. And he should know, since he’s fully aware that ‘Ghostbusters 2′ wasn’t as great as the first. We trust his judgment. And yet they’re still determined to make ‘Ghostbusters 3.’ Does anyone even really want this thing anymore? Give it a rest.

Michael Fassbender in 'Assassin's Creed'
Stuart Wilson, Getty Images/Ubisoft Entertainment

Michael Fassbender Ruining Everything by Starring in Video Game Movie

Oh, Michael Fassbender. You glorious, majestic tree of a man. Can you do no wrong? ‘Prometheus’ is debatable, but you were fantastic in it. Everyone loves you, so now is the right time for you to… produce and star in a film adaptation of the video game ‘Assassin’s Creed’? Uh, what?! Has there ever truly been a good video game movie? Let’s not kid ourselves here — video game adaptations are never good. If Fassy continues down this path, he’ll become the white Samuel L. Jackson — he’s great, but he’ll always be the best part of a bad movie. Maybe he could learn a thing or two from Bill Murray’s script selection process (i.e. buy a paper shredder).

World War Z
Crown

‘World War Z’ Will Be Written by Every Writer, Ever

Last month we learned that Damon Lindelof was brought on board to fix the end of the ‘World War Z‘ script — a film that had already finished shooting. The studio says there’s only 45 minutes to an hour of usable footage, and they’ve ordered seven weeks of extensive reshoots with stars Brad Pitt and Mireille Enos. As it turns out, Lindelof passed the polishing duties off to ‘Cabin in the Woods‘ director Drew Goddard (even better), but now the studio is looking for yet another writer — this time, ‘Usual Suspects’ scribe Christopher McQuarrie. How many writers does it take to complete a ‘World War Z’ script? All of them. This movie is a disaster and we haven’t even seen an official image yet.

Steven Tyler leaves 'American Idol'
Frederick M. Brown, Getty Images

Steven Tyler Quits ‘American Idol,’ Remembers He Used to Do Something Else

Steven Tyler used to be in a band called Aerosmith (this was from back in the day when you had to buy records and listen to the radio — ask your grandpa all about it), and he remembered that, so he’s quitting ‘American Idol‘ to go live out his final days as a rock star before his hair becomes sentient and murders his face. In his resignation letter, Tyler tried to prove he’s still “hip” and “with it” (he is neither) by using internet meme phrase, “EHRMAGERD” (Google it), proving that the elderly are capable of using the internet after all and we should stop helping them because they just want attention.

Does anyone care about ‘American Idol’ anymore? You vote for a winner and then what? They release an album, you all buy it out of obligation or a momentary lapse of sanity while shopping for a new sweater at Target (let’s be real about this), and then two months later we all forget they exist and there’s a new crop of idiots from which we crown a new idiot king (or queen. OR QUEEN). We wish you all the best with your “band,” Steven Tyler. Seriously, everyone has a band these days. They’ll never make it.

'Wonderland'
Zenescope Entertainment

Lionsgate Wants to Make a Saucy ‘Alice in Wonderland’ TV Show, Swears it’s Not Porn

Lionsgate TV beat out networks like ABC and CBS for rights to ‘Alice in Wonderland.’ Their plan is to make the material “darker” (read: sexier), and the series will focus on Alice passing the torch to her daughter, based on the ‘Wonderland’ graphic novels. We’re pretty sure mental illness and drug addiction can be hereditary, though. Anyway, so we’re supposed to believe, according to the above image, that this isn’t Lionsgate’s effort at making a porn-y ‘Alice’ show, but we won’t be surprised when Cinemax announces the addition of ‘Wonderland’ to its schedule in a few months, tucked neatly in the 11 p.m. time slot, where s— gets wiiiiiiiild. We’re not totally against it. Imagine ‘Emanuelle’ or ‘Red Shoe Diaries’ meets smoking caterpillars and a Mad Hatter with a crazy huge… hat. Yes, hat… And everyone’s on drugs and free love and remember the 60′s, Woodstock 4ever, etc.

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