Paul Thomas Anderson’s new movie, ‘Inherent Vice,’ opens this Friday. Thinking about PTA’s latest opus got us thinking about the rest of his filmography—which got us quoting from PTA’s filmography, which got us wondering: What are the best lines of dialogue from Paul Thomas Anderson’s filmography? It was a question that could only be solved one way: With a list! Using ScreenCrush’s highly scientific method (i.e. we picked the ones we liked best), and illustrated with conclusive evidence (i.e. YouTube videos), here is the definitive list of Anderson’s 30 best lines: (And keep in mind, some of this language is on the salty, NSFW side.)

30. “If we meet again in the next life, you will be my sworn enemy. And I will show you no mercy.” —Lancaster Dodd, ‘The Master’

29. “When I close my eyes, I see this thing, it’s like this big sign, and the name is in like bright blue neon lights with like purple outline. And this name is just so bright and so sharp that the sign it just blows up because the name is just so powerful. It says Dirk Diggler.” —Dirk Diggler, ‘Boogie Nights’

28. “I’ve abandoned my child! I’ve abandoned my boy! Give me the blood Lord, and let me get away.” —Daniel Plainview, ‘There Will Be Blood’

27. “I’m lookin’ at your face and I just wanna smash it. I just wanna fuckin’ smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it. You’re so pretty.” —Barry Egan, ‘Punch-Drunk Love’

26. “I want to chew your face, and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them and chew them and suck on them.” —Lena Leonard, ‘Punch-Drunk Love’

25. “You’re not my son. You’re just a little piece of competition. Bastard from a basket.” —Daniel Plainview, ‘There Will Be Blood’

24. “Never ignore a man’s courtesy.” —Sydney, ‘Hard Eight’

23. “Things go up, things go down, but at least the Lord is always around.” —Eli Sunday, ‘There Will Be Blood’

22. “We may be through with the past, but the past ain’t through with us.” —Jimmy Gator, ‘Magnolia’

21. “This is the future. Videotape tells the truth.” —Floyd Gondolli, ‘Boogie Nights’

20. “Jesus Christ, why don’t you have some fun? Fun! Fun! All right, shacka-lacka doo! Shacka-lacka-doobie-doobie-doo!” —Young Craps Player, ‘Hard Eight’

19. “Let me explain to him in simple arithmetic: One, two, three! Because you don’t fuckin’ get it, Burt! You give us the tapes. We get the record contract. We come back and give you your fuckin’ money. Have you heard the tapes? Have you even heard them? We’re guaranteed a record deal. Our stuff is that good!” —Dirk Diggler, ‘Boogie Nights’

18. “This is something you do for a billion years or not at all. This isn’t fashion.” —Peggy Dodd, ‘The Master’

17. “I have a lot of puddings, and in six to eight weeks it can be redeemed. So if you could just give me that much time, I think I can get enough mileage to go with you wherever you have to go if you have to travel for your work. Because I don’t ever want to be anywhere without you. So could you just let me redeem the mileage?” —Barry Egan, ‘Punch-Drunk Love’

16. “I’m looking forward to seeing you in action, Jack says you have a great big c---.” —The Colonel James, ‘Boogie Nights’

15. “Chotto, Kenichiro! Dozo, motto panukeiku. Motto panukeiku! Motto panukeiku! Hai? Hai? Hai?” —Bigfoot Bjornsen, ‘Inherent Vice’

14. “If it looks like shit, and it sounds like shit, then it must be shit.” —Jack Horner, ‘Boogie Nights’

13. “I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people.” —Daniel Plainview, ‘There Will Be Blood’

12. “Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Shut up! Will you shut up! Shut up! Shut shut shut shut shut up! Shut up! Now … are you threatening me, dick?” —Dean Trumbell, ‘Punch-Drunk Love’

11. “My fucking wife has an ass in her c--- in the driveway, Kurt? Alright? I’m sorry if my thoughts are not on the photography of the film we’re shooting tomorrow, Kurt, OK? —Little Bill, ‘Boogie Nights’

10. “Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail. And that is a very tricky thing on my part ... making that call. I mean, the law is the law. And heck if I’m gonna break it. You can forgive someone. Well, that’s the tough part. What can we forgive? Tough part of the job. Tough part of walking down the street.”—Jim Kurring, ‘Magnolia’

9. “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you.” —Lancaster Dodd, ‘The Master’

8. “This fucking life ... oh, it’s so fucking hard. So long. Life ain’t short, it’s long. It’s long, goddamn it.” —Earl Partridge, ‘Magnolia’

7. “I am a star. I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a star. I’m a big bright shining star.” —Dirk Diggler, ‘Boogie Nights’

6. “If you already know the answers to your questions, then why ask, Pig Fuck? We are not helpless. And we are on a journey that risks the dark.” —Lancaster Dodd, The Master

5. “I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine.” —Barry Egan, ‘Punch-Drunk Love’ 

4. “I’ll tell you everything, and you tell me everything, and maybe we can get through all the piss and shit and lies that kill other people.” —Claudia Wilson Gator, ‘Magnolia’

3. “I’m not a complicated man. I like cinema. In particular, I like to see people f---ing on film. But I don’t want to win an Oscar and I don’t want to reinvent the wheel. I like simple pleasures like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That’s just me.” —Floyd Gondolli, ‘Boogie Nights’

2. “If you figure a way to live without serving a master, any master, then let the rest of us know, will you? For you’d be the first person in the history of the world.” —Lancaster Dodd, ‘The Master’

1. “I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!” —Daniel Plainview, ‘There Will Be Blood’

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