Despite two wildly different approaches with ‘G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra’ and ‘G.I. Joe: Retaliation,’ Paramount still hasn’t managed to get their big screen take on everyone’s second favorite ‘80s toy/cartoon franchise right (with the first being ‘Transformers,’ of course). The box office has been decent, but fan reaction has been middling at best, with everyone in the world giving both films a big ‘ol shrug. But Paramount is not giving up on this potential gold mine yet! It seems that they have some pretty wacky plans to make ‘G.I. Joe 3’ into a must-see experience, including two familiar villains and a crossover with the characters from ‘M.A.S.K.’

That previous sentence just ignited a fiery explosion of pure, napalm nostalgia in the minds of a certain segment of the population. According to Film Divider, ‘G.I. Joe 3’ could very well feature Matt Trakker, a member of the elite military unit known as the Mobile Armoured Strike Kommand and the lead character from the ‘M.A.S.K.’ animated series and toy line. Although ‘M.A.S.K.’ was initially a rival toyline created by Kenner, Hasbro eventually bought the rights to these soldiers and their nifty transforming cars, suddenly making those improvised, bedroom floor crossovers into something more official.

The same report claims that Tomax and Xamot, mainstays of the ‘G.I. Joe’ animated series, will be the Big Bads this time around. In the cartoon, these two identical twins are the public face of the evil Cobra organization, running the group’s business affairs by day and commanding the deadly Crimson Guard by night. Since they’re cartoon twins, they wear identical clothes and their names are basically the same (one spelled forwards, one backwards), and they do all kinds of other ludicrous stuff that real life twins would never do that would be hilarious in a live action context ... and we hope director D.J. Caruso embraces the silliness. After the humorless ‘Retaliation,’ a far more intentionally comedic approach sounds just about right for this series.

And that’s all the news that’s fit to print for the moment. However, we can print a few sentences of informed speculation. Some fans have already started wondering if the inclusion of the ‘M.A.S.K.’ characters and their transforming cars is paving the way for a ‘Transformers’ crossover, which seems terrifyingly plausible. Even more plausible is Matt Trakker’s role in the film setting up a spin-off franchise, leading to a Hasbro Movie Universe styled after the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Look, we like our childhood stuff too, but all of that sounds nothing short of unbearable. Please stop chasing that Marvel model, Hollywood—especially when you are adapting toys. You should try making one good ‘G.I. Joe’ movie before you even consider spin-offs or franchise universes.

‘G.I. Joe 3’ is expected to arrive in 2016.

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