Fanboys across the internet are suffering myocardial nerdfarctions at the news that J.J. Abrams is going to direct 'Star Wars: Episode 7.'
After initial flashes of what that deal process must have been like (we're fairly certain Abrams merely stomps around Hollywood shouting "Mine! Mine!") we couldn't help but wonder what this meant for the 'Star Trek' franchise. With Abrams as the creative force behind both universes, might we finally get to see some 'Wars'/'Trek' crossover outside of the realm of fanfiction? If Mr. Abrams is up for some suggestions, here's what we've got for him.
Ewoks Eat Roasted Tribbles Around a Campfire
Those reproductive nuisances never really served a purpose -- I don't care what Cyrano Jones says. Their origins have always been mysterious, and their appearance on the Forest Moon of Endor makes just as much sense as anything. Can modern audiences handle this much fuzzy cuteness? Ask your neighborhood Brony.
Leonard Nimoy As One Of Those Blue Ghosts
A Jedi can never die -- we learned that from the first time we heard Obi Wan shout, "Run, Luke, run!" As such, in 'Star Wars: Episode 7' it might be cool if our young man on a hero's journey should learn about the Force from one of the ancient, original Jedi from 'Star Wars' canon. We'd like to see Anavas Svag in the form of a glowing, elderly, mumbling Leonard Nimoy. Maybe he'll do some sort of hand salute and all the fans can pass out.
Keenser Shows Up in the 'Star Wars' Universe Where He Belongs
Scotty brings Keenser to the Mos Eisely Cantina and just leaves him there. For the remainder of both series of films we will continually cut back to the young, green engineer dancing to the tunes of Figrin Da'n and the Modal Nodes.
Horta Are Actually Exogorth Excrement
The big worms that live inside of the asteroids around Hoth? Turns out that they have a really unique digestive system. (I mean, my God, the Millennium Falcon can fly around in there and these beasts don't mind?) Their solid waste is actually silicon based, and these pieces of matter are actually the sentient beings known as the Horta. Man, talk about a life of "Pain!!!!"
Orion Slave Girls in Metal Bikinis
Cosplay just got one step more perverse.
R2-D2 Falls in Love With Nomad
Imagine the fun Ben Burtt clucks and whistles R2-D2 will make when his boyfriend zaps Uhura of all her memory (which she manages to get back the next week). Oh yeah, you didn't know R2-D2 was gay? He doesn't like to advertise it, but he's totally out to friends.