Forged in the fires of Mount Doom, the Ring of Power was stripped from the hand of Sauron following the final battle with the Last Alliance and became of a keepsake of Prince Isildur. Now corrupted by the One Ring, Isildur fell in battle, losing the ring to the river. From there, “Isildur’s Bane” fell into the hands of the creature known as Gollum and from there, into the hands of the Hobbit known as Bilbo Baggins. It was only through the efforts of the Fellowship of the Ring and the brave Frodo Baggins that the One Ring was destroyed forever ... or so we thought. Because the ring has fallen into the hands of a young Texas boy, who was suspended from school for wielding such an accursed tool.

According to the New York Daily News, Aiden Steward was suspended from school for claiming he could make a classmate disappear with his One Ring. What was obviously a bit of fun inspired by seeing ‘The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies’ apparently freaked out the Tolkien-illiterate school officials, who decided that Steward’s literally impossible “threat” deserved the ultimate punishment.

In an email, Steward’s father proclaimed his son innocent of the charges leveled against him:

I assure you my son lacks the magical powers necessary to threaten his friend’s existence. If he did, I'm sure he'd bring him right back.

It seems like smart, imaginative kids are a big problem in the eyes of Kermit Elementary school. This is the third time Steward has been suspended in six months, with one of his other unforgivable offenses being his possession of “The Big Book of Knowledge,” a most unholy text that contains (gasp!) images of pregnancy!

The truth is that we don’t have all of the details (the school declined to comment). The truth is that the Steward family could be Istari who spend their days pretending to be human beings and their nights doing the bidding of the Valar. For all we know, young Aidan Steward has an altar to Morgoth in his closet and is planning to bring about the end of the age of men.

But it is far more likely that he’s just a super-imaginative kid who is being punished for being curious and a little excitable and liking ‘The Lord of the Rings.’ In other words, he sounds like a pretty awesome kid who is a little too cool for his school.