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‘America’s Next Top Model’ Review: “The Girl Who Does What Tyler Perry Says”

CW

Another week on ‘America’s Next Top Model,’ and another week of Victoria talking about how obsessed she is with her mom. But she really gets on her housemate’s nerves this week when she refuses to share her Tyra Suite prize with anyone else. It’s also yet another week when no one seems to know what “social media” is.

“You can’t just have social media,” says Kristin, the girl who gets the highest votes from fans every week, but lazily relies on natural beauty instead of, you know, making an effort during photo shoots. But social media is the least of her worries when she goes into Destiny’s purse without asking to get a lighter. Kristin always talks about how she was the mean girl in high school, so Destiny reminds her that she’s just being the same ol’ high school jerk she claims to no longer be. Yeah, like anyone believed Kristin’s claims of being reformed.

Tyler Perry shows up for this week’s challenge, which tests the girls’ acting skills. Perry says modeling and acting are a lot alike in that they both have to convey emotion to the audience, so the girls choose from four different character types — rapper, Hollywood diva, a starstruck tourist, and a hippie street performer. But none of that matters when Tyler Perry starts doing his Madea voice and the girls find out that they could win a walk-on role in a Perry film — a prize they seem to be overselling. The girls get into wacky costumes and are fit with ear pieces so Perry and Tyra can give them direction while they interact with people on the street. The first task involves Destiny, in the role of tourist, being told to run up to a black guy and confuse him with being Usher. Because all black guys look like Usher.

Victoria takes things a little too far when she, as a¬†bourgeois wannabe diva, chases down a guy and tries to force him to take fried chicken, which he then throws at her. Kristin plays a rapper, and notes that it’s “very hard to make raps up.” Yvonne uses her high school drama skills and gets really into character as an extravagant rap artist, and does not find it very hard to “make raps up.” Kiara wins this week for her diva acting, which admittedly wasn’t a stretch.

This week’s photo shoot takes the girls to Universal Studios and the set of ‘War of the Worlds,’ where one of the girls seems to think Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg are still making a movie that came out years ago. The girls will have half of their bodies put in zombie make-up and will be tasked with showing both their good and bad sides. Victoria seems to have lost last week’s intensity, while Nastasia is too rigid in her poses.

Laura takes direction well from this week’s photographer, who looks like a bald, bro-creeper version of Ryan Gosling. Blogger Bryanboy shows up to tell the girls he takes pictures of himself every day because he’s internet famous, so he knows everything about modeling. Kristin brings her stinky attitude to set again this week, telling stylist Johnny Wujek and the photographer that she can’t express any emotion, except through her eyes for whatever reason, and she won’t be able to laugh at their “lame jokes.” Kristin is the epitome of the girl who’s always been naturally pretty and has been spoiled with attention so much that she doesn’t think she even needs to try. Her attitude is poor and she’s a horrible mean girl cliche, but she gets knocked down a peg when Johnny tells her she can’t just rely on being pretty all the time and should try to give the judges something unexpected. This does not compute with Kristin because she only knows how to sit there and have people look at her and that be enough. It’s just sort of sad.

Kiara shows up on set and starts talking about how “social media is taking” her. You could make a drinking game out of how often they say “social media” this cycle. Brittany and Leila do well, while Yvonne fails to understand how to work her curves yet again. Destiny completely blanks this week and seems to forget how to do anything, just freezing like an awkward deer in front of the camera.

During judging Bryanboy introduces a fan video to Brittany, featuring two wonky goth boys who prove why this fan video idea is the best worst thing for ‘ANTM’ ever. More of these, less of Bryanboy reading comments for us. Most of the girls are mediocre this week, but Kiara, Destiny, and Kristin are particularly bad. Kristin doesn’t take her criticism too well, but rather than make excuses, she genuinely asks Tyra how to pose “ugly pretty” because she only knows how to do pretty-pretty. It’s an impressive and unexpected move from Kristin, whose attitude makes her seem inclined to be a jerk in judging, but clearly she’s been watching the show and knows that girls who talk back to Tyra and make excuses don’t get far.

After calculating the scores best picture of the week goes to Laura, and Tyra makes sure to rub it in that her social media score this week is higher than fan-fave Kristin’s have ever been. In the bottom this week are Destiny and Yvonne — neither girl is skilled at working her features for the camera, but it seems Destiny is just a bit more hopeless and is sent home, while Yvonne manages to stick around for at least another week.

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