As if Sharknado or its sequel hadn’t assaulted your sanity enough, its impending trilogy may well take a golden chainsaw to it. The Sharknado officially becomes a “Sharkicane” threatening to devour the “Feast Coast” in Syfy’s extended threequel trailer, and between Frankie Muniz, storm-sensing and fighter jets, not even David Hasselhoff can rescue you from drowning in madness.

Now that Fin (Ian Ziering) can actually sense Sharknados (please exit here for mental health concerns), not even a medal from the President (Mark Cuban) can satiate his need for heroism, which now includes a golden chainsaw, sexy sidekick, and Frankie Muniz. Not only that, but … Jerry Springer … shark wedding … roller … yep, that’ll do it. I’ve officially lost my mind.

Should you remain unconvinced, Syfy’s latest press release outlines the famous faces signing up to be celebrity bait this time around:

Ian Ziering (Fin), Tara Reid (April) and Cassie Scerbo (Nova) star in Sharknado 3, which will cause mass destruction in Washington, DC, then roar down the Eastern Seaboard before the final confrontation in Orlando, Florida.

Joining them will be David Hasselhoff (Fin’s father, Gil); Bo Derek (April’s mother, May) and Nickelodeon stars Ryan Newman (April and Fin’s daughter, Claudia Shepard) and Jack Griffo (Claudia’s friend, Billy).

Among the newly-announced cameos, Frankie Muniz plays Nova’s friend, mechanic Lucas Stevens, while Penn Jillette and Teller, respectively, are retired NASA Lieutenant Colonel Stylo and Major Caissier. Playing Secret Service agents are Ne-Yo (Agent Deveroux), Lou Ferrigno (Agent Banner) and Grant Imahara (Agent Lodge), and Jackie Collins, Brad Keselowski and Joey Logano appear as themselves.

They join previously revealed cameos, including:

·         Mark Cuban (President of the United States)

·         Ann Coulter (Vice President of the United States)

·         WWE Superstar Chris Jericho (ride attendant Bruce)

·         Jerry Springer (tourist)

·         Jedward (tourists)

·         Ray J (NASA tech Tom Major)

·         Michele Bachmann as herself

·         Today’s Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb as themselves

·         NSYNC singer Chris Kirkpatrick (lifeguard)

·         Shahs of Sunset star Reza Farahan (Capitol Park policeman)

·         Comcast SportsNet’s Brian Mitchell (NASA tech)

·         Anthony Weiner (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration director)

·         The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kim Richards (Universal Orlando Resort VIP Guide)

·         Former The Girls Next Door stars Holly Madison (military sergeant) and Kendra Wilkinson(waitress)

·         Washington Redskins outside linebacker Ryan Kerrigan (NASA tech) and offensive tackle Tom Compton (reporter)

·         ESPN’s Michelle Beadle (Special Agent Argyle), Marcellus Wiley (Army Specialist Iverson) and Max Kellerman (Army Sergeant Joseph)

Sharknado 3 will destroy the world’s remaining sanity on July 22, but in the meantime, feel free to drink your way through the above trailer.