UPDATE: 2 Paul 2 Blart is now up to 36 negative reviews (and zero positive reviews) on Rotten Tomatoes. Carry on.

ORIGINAL POST: As I write these words, 22 critics have reviewed Kevin James’ Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 on Rotten Tomatoes.

And 22 critics have hated it.

Paul Blart 2 rotten tomatoes

Yes, currently Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is that rarest and stinkiest of movies, one with a 0 Rotten Tomatoes score. There are plenty of terrible films out there, but even the worst tend to have at least a couple of defenders. My pick for 2014’s worst movie, Winter’s Tale has a 13 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. 2013’s worst abomination, Movie 43, has a 4 percent approval rating. Birdemic? A whopping 20 percent. That’s practically Citizen Kane compared to Paul Blart.

In contrast, no one is ready to stand up for Blart. Even folks who liked the first Blart (Rotten Tomatoes score: 33 percent) can’t get behind the sequel, which follows James’ hapless mall cop to Las Vegas for some mild adventures and plenty of product placement for the Wynn Casino. These reviews are absolutely brutal; one is just a list of 20 things that aren’t quite as bad as Blart 2 (including “When a family pet accidentally swallows a lighter”). Granted, it’s a small sample size, but really: How many more critics are actually going to subject themselves to this movie? (I’m certainly not.)

To celebrate this colossal misfire, here now are the funniest lines from the worst reviews of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. At this rate, it could be the worst reviewed movie ever ... at least until Paul Blart Mall Cop 3.

“Nothing aired by WikiLeaks could possibly be more destructive to Sony’s reputation than the release of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, the sort of movie that goes beyond mere mediocrity to offer possible evidence of a civilization in decline.”

“Think of the worst movie you’ve ever seen – a movie that didn’t make you laugh, didn’t make you cry, didn’t move you or change you in any way besides giving you the desperate urge to flee the theater. Think of a movie that was a massive waste of your time and money. Hold that title in your mind. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is worse than that.”

“Time is a flat circle, and so is this f---ing movie.”

“Cinema lovers, you should thank God for Kevin James. This oft-ridiculed screen giant is here to answer a question that has plagued mankind for decades now: what would a film be like if every single person involved made as little effort as humanly possible?”

Frank Scheck, The Hollywood Reporter

“Despite the fact that she's featured prominently in the credits, two-time Oscar nominee Shirley Knight disappears within the first few minutes of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, her character unceremoniously run over by a milk truck. Lucky her.”

“So mordantly witless that it has the quality of a bleak art-house tragedy.”

“In 2009, I gave Paul Blart: Mall Cop a mildly positive review. I feel like I’m confessing a crime here.”

“It sounds like a Saturday Night Live sketch that thinks there’s humor embedded in the title alone (there isn’t) that had overstayed its welcome 90 seconds in. But it’s a real movie that real people have unashamedly put their names to. Because a sweet paycheck trumps human dignity.”

“The problem is — OK, there are a lot of problems.”

There are, surprisingly, no shots to the groin in Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. Blart does fall down seven times though, and outside of fight scenes he gets hit or is hit by something five times (once, he’s hit by a car, and then falls down).

“I just want Paul Blart over with and out of my life, so I can get back to other movies. Literally any other movie.”

“It's better than some of the other titles in the Kevin James back catalogue, namely Grown Ups and Zookeeper, but that's like saying one bout of syphilis was better than another bout of syphilis.”


More From ScreenCrush