‘The Bachelorette’ Finale Review

This week, on 'The Bachelorette' finale, Emily's whittled down the field to the bizarre love triangle of dutch race car driver, Arie and Mormon bottled water mogul, Jef. And she ain't gettin' out of Curacao till she dumps one of 'em. So grab some Kleenex and steady your heart, it's time to hand out the final rose, ya'll!

With just a few days left and as indecisive as ever, Emily looks to her family to pick the right guy for her. Jef-with-one-F is first to face Em's family, visiting Curacao to screen their potential future in-law.

Jef arrives with flowers for Emily's mom and sister-in-law. Emily's mother, father and brother each get a crack at Jef, who pours it on as thick as ever, talking up his love for Emily and willingness to play Daddy to Ricki. Jef asks Emily's father for his blessing should he propose and gets the go ahead. By the end of the afternoon,the family is sold on Jef and not too excited to meet Arie.

Em is nervous her family won't be as welcoming to Arie after Jef dropped more saccharine sweet romantic cliches on them than a Nicholas Sparks novel. Dad says he isn't sure why they're meeting another dude. Hey, try meeting twenty five of em.

Arie's arrives to a drafty reception from the fam and begins babbling nervously about fishing. He decides it's time to play his ace in the hole, and gives the family a box of the now dead roses he's received Emily. They're touched by the gesture but there's a bit of foreshadowing here...

During his one-on-one time with the family members, Arie brings up his past relationship with a single mother, which seems to put them at ease, though no one asks why or how it ended. At least not that we saw. Like Jef, Arie asks Dad for Emily's hand in marriage. He hesitates for a moment, probably feeling like he's "cheating" on Jef but then gives Arie his blessing. By the end of the day, everyone's extremely confused.

Now that both guys have met the fam, Emily is hoping they've found something wrong with one of them, making her decision easy. Unfortunately, they think both guys are great. However, Dad thinks you can't be in love with two people at once. He also probably doesn't think you can find love on a reality TV show. Mom urges Emily to wait to get engaged, no matter who she ends up with. And of course, there's the "Ricki factor." Mom wonders how the boys would do if they met Em's daughter.

Emily debates introducing the guys to Ricki and seeing who doesn't flinch. After a bit of back and forth with herself, Emily decides to let Jef meet Ricki. Poolside at her hotel, Em introduces Ricki to her "friend" Jef and starts asking her daughter to perform tricks in the pool as if she were a Seaworld dolphin. Jef gets in the water with her and the two have a blast splishing and spashing around, to Emily's delight.

Later that night, Emily tells Jef that Ricki asked for him to come back tomorrow. Needless to say, things are looking rosey for Jef. He gives Emily a picture book about Curacao inside which he has drawn crappy stick figures representing the two of them in different picturesque locales. So much for selling the thing on Ebay...

Em says goodbye and leaves Jef, standing alone in the rain and looking forlorn. The next day, Emily asks to speak with host, Chris Harrison, before her date with Arie. She tells Chris that after Ricki's date with Jef, she's made her decision and doesn't want to spend the day with Arie, knowing she's already made up her mind. Emily tells us she's heartbroken over Arie and tearfully prepares to let him go.

Completely oblivious about what's to come, Arie arrives for their date and is greeted by a local herbalist, if you will, who tells him they're going to make a love potion. As if this weren't already painful to watch...In between mashing up herbs, Arie tells us he'll be engaged by tomorrow. There better be some serious voodoo in this love potion.

Emily arrives in the black SUV of heartbreak and tries to put her on game face as Arie tells her about the love potion. She even lets him put a little on her but it clearly isn't enough. Em tells Arie she always thought he was the one but feels more "confident" in her relationship with Jef. Arie is shocked and Emily gives him the "it's not you, it's me" bit, which doesn't help. Arie kisses her goodbye and walks off and Emily chases after him. Obviously feeling blindsided, Arie's too upset to make Emily feel anywhere near OK with dumping him. The only thing that could make this worse is if she offered to call him a cab.

As he heads out in the black SUV of heartbreak, Arie tells us he feels stupid and naive, though he's still convinced Emily is the love of his life. Back in the studio, Chris Harrison polls some former 'Bachelor' and 'Bachelorette' cast members on Emily's decision. "When you know, you know," says season seven winner, JP. That is until you don't know, right Brad Womack?

Now that Arie's off the island, Emily is ready to see Jef again, who's (surprise!) picking out an engagement ring. We're made to listen to both parties go on and on about their "love," "connection," "confidence," blah blah. With Arie out of the way, Emily creates some much needed suspense by making us think she's not ready to get engaged. Em doesn't want to be that chick who gets "engaged fifteen times but never marries." Conversely, she's totally cool with being "that girl on a contrived reality TV where you get engaged to a practical stranger" more than once.

Emily stands on a platform in a peach gown awaiting Jef's arrival. Chris Harrison greets Jef and sends him off to his lady. Now that the gag order has been lifted, Emily tells Jef she loves him and  he promptly takes a knee to propose. Em hesitates momentarily but ultimately decides that being "that girl who gets engaged fifteen times" is better than humiliating Jef in front of women across America. Ricki joins her mom and stepdad-t0-be as they walk off hand-in-hand. We're then treated to montage of "Jef and Emily's greatest hits" featuring the love theme from "The Karate Kid Part II." Sorry but if you can't break a block of ice with your bare hands, you're not worthy of a Peter Cetera serenade.

Back in the studio, it's time for 'After the Final Rose' portion of the evening. The part where poor Arie is dragged out to relive his break-up and listen to Emily gush about Jef and vice-versa. We learn that after taping ended, Arie flew out to Charlotte to try and win Emily back but thought better of it. Instead, he left his journal on her doorstep. Adding insult to injury, Emily tells Arie she never read it because she was too busy making a bad Mormon out of Jef. Ok, not really. Em says she didn't read the journal out of respect to both men and that in the end, it wouldn't change anything. She also tells us that if Jef weren't in the picture, it would be her and Arie together. Ouch. Also can't help thinking the fact that Jef went first and got to meet Ricki was a major factor. Who knows how Arie's playdate with Ricki would have gone? Dude has a racecar, after all.

So what's next for Jef and Emily? They're going to go to Africa to build wells with Jef's water company. Gotta give back, ya'll! Do you think Emily made the right choice in Jef or will she go for a hattrick with another run at reality TV romance? Let us know in the comments below!