February 12 of next year will finally reunite audiences with bubbleheaded supermodel Derek Zoolander in a sequel to Ben Stiller’s 2001 fashion-world farce. Naturally, a film about the world of stylish haute couture advertisements would need only the most tasteful promotional campaign to spread its own word, and in recent months, team Zoolander has been steadily accomplishing just that. The first trailer pulled off a nice bait-and-switch before dropping the immortal one-liner, “If God exists, then why did he make ugly people?” and the full-length trailer promised some solid laughs alongside the surreal terror of Benedict Cumberbatch as aggressively androgynous supermodel All. Even the poster was clever in its elegant simplicity; Zoolander effectively presaged the age of the selfie, and now the rest of the world has caught up to Zoolander and Hansel’s obsessive self-documentation. (Not to mention the nifty Chanel shout-out in the reference to the film as Zoolander No. 2.)

Now, two more posters have stepped onto the runway, giving Owen Wilson’s Hansel and newcomer Penelope Cruz as crimefighter Valentina their moments in the spotlight. Pour yourself a nice glass of cabernet sauvignon, take a step back, stroke your chin thoughtfully, and let’s take a look:


First up is Cruz, joining the cast as a lethal agent who assists Zoolander and Hansel in their quest to foil a plot threatening the lives of Earth’s most beautiful people. Look at how she crouches atop her motorbike, alert and prepared for lethal combat. And yet the plunging neckline of her racing suit suggests a softer, more sensual side — she’s both a lover and a fighter.


That Hansel, so hot right now. And always. Hansel will be hot forever, amply evidenced by the embarrassment of affection heaped on him by these two faceless admirers. But even as he fulfills the expectations that life in the fashion world has placed on him — note the flashbulbs exploding out of focus in the background, and Hansel’s hand placed around the waist at left, almost as an afterthought — Hansel’s got more on his walnut-sized mind. He looks directly into the camera, calling out silently to the observer, extending his hand as a gesture of connection in a world isolated by self-obsession. “Come,” he beckons, “and see Zoolander 2. In theaters come February.”

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