Amy Schumer Says She’d Be ‘The Bachelorette’ Under Three Conditions

Pop culture’s current fixation on all-around perfect human Amy Schumer has Bachelorette fans clamoring for the comedienne to take the title role, given her occasional association with the ABC series, but would the Trainwreck star ever really sign on? Apparently yes, though Schumer outlined three major conditions The Bachelorette would first need to meet.

Speaking with E! News, Schumer explained that while she’d theoretically agree to become the next Bachelorette, the network would need to make a few major changes to the show’s casting and overall honesty, atop a hefty salary requirement:

Money. A lot of money. They would have to say that ‘We would let you be yourself.’ I would say what was really up. I would be very honest, and I don’t think there’s room for that in the franchise. […]

The casting process would have to be different. First off all, their job descriptions are so weird! It’s like, ‘former investment banker’?! They’re like, ‘flower enthusiast’? You’re like, ‘But what do you do? How come you could leave your life?’ I love when it’s like, ‘I have five kids at home but I just came here to follow my heart.’ It’s like maybe go take care of your kids? I would keep it very real. And I don’t know if it’s good for that show.

It’s hard to imagine ABC ever forgoing the carefully-constructed “reality” that has kept shows like The Bachelorette afloat for years, though following Amy Schumer’s lead could make for one of the more interesting experiments in TV history. Of course, Schumer herself remains way too busy otherwise, but should ABC actually make an effort at accommodating Schumer’s vision of The Bachelorette?