I Ate ‘Stranger Things’ Eggo Red Waffles

Forget about the Mind Flayer. The real threat you’ve got to worry about from Netflix’s Stranger Things is the Stomach Flayer.

This is not some imaginary beast that exists only in the fictional confines of the Upside Down. The Stomach Flayer is very real, and it is currently lurking in the shadows of every grocery store in the nation. That’s because Netflix and its corporate partners are promoting the fifth and final season of their signature television series with more Stranger Things tie-in products than you could possibly imagine.

I already consumed pizza and ranch flavored Stranger Things Doritos. There’s Stranger Things Fruit by the Foot too. I tried Stranger Things Chips Ahoy!, which were so weird and artificial my children, who are genuinely confused when I serve them raspberries and they’re not blue, refused to finish the bag and I eventually had to throw them away. Frankly, I think Netflix should take this business model to its logical conclusion and make special Stranger Things Imodium. (“Did you take Eleven dumps in the last hour? Turn your tummy troubles upside down with Stranger Things Imodium!”)

The latest Stranger Things branded foodstuff to emerge over the transom is Stranger Things Eggo Waffles. Unlike most of the show’s tie-in products, these at least do connect to the action content of the show; the series’ young hero Eleven ate Eggos on the show as far back as its first season. Those, of course, were the classic, yellowish, “homestyle” waffles, while these “limited edition” Stranger Things Eggos are strawberry flavored.

Eggo’s press release touts them as the company’s “first-ever strawberry red waffle made with colors from natural sources – a bold new take on the classic Eggo waffle, inspired by the eerie rifts to the Upside Down from the Netflix series.” They’re also selling their classic Eggos in a special Stranger Things box for a limited time, in case you love Stranger Things but don’t necessarily love the idea of staining your inside red.

Me, on the other hand, I apparently have no such qualms about painting my intestines with waffle mulch; or at least not enough qualms that I won’t do it in the name of my almighty lord and master, Content. So here we go: Stranger Things Eggo Waffles.

You can watch my taste test here.

READ MORE: I Also Ate Stranger Things Doritos For Some Reason

And there you have it; my battle with the Stomach Flayer and Stranger Things Strawberry Eggo Waffles. Stranger Things Season 5 premieres on Netflix on November 26. These waffles are available from now until whenever they leggo of shelf space in your grocer’s freeze aisle to make room for Kodiak’s Emily in Paris French toast or something.

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